SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:59am
Oh boy.....here we go.......!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:07pm
LOL...yeah, that's how i feel!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:07pm
thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:12pm
Oh, I have no clue what primary caregiver is suppose to mean. (I'm sure there would be eighteen different definitions from this board which makes this discussion pretty silly.) I am just using terminology I saw earlier.

This whole topic fascinates me, as does the full-time, part-time parenting discussion. It seems to be a matter of wording. (If we agreed what a "primary caregiver" is and does, this whole discussion would be rendered obsolete most likely.) I read a lot of Fortune magazine and the women interviewed in there often say things like, "Yeah, I don't get to spend as much time with my children as perhaps a full-time parent does," and I think of all the people on this board who would cringe to read that. Here's an educated woman who makes $300K a year and she is okay with readily admitting she is not a full-time parent. Then I come here and the vernacular changes dramatically.

My other twist to this kind of discussion is the meaning of the terms parenting, mother, and father. Does not the non-custodial parent who hasn't seen his child in a year still think of himself as a father just as much as the father who is with his child 24/7?

Sorry, just rambling. Not really up to having coherent thoughts today.

Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:18pm
This topic always fascinates me too. Actually, after posting here and getting feedback.....or rather, being debated (LOL), I came to see this SAH/WOH thing in a new light.

Ask Eileen what Primary Caregiver means....her answer explains it all, and well I might add.

I think the women in the Fortune magazine who admit they aren't full time parents may be the very women I was talking about earlier who FEEL they aren't the full time parent in their situation. Or, maybe they haven't broken it all out -- I don't know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:30pm

There was some research study I read somewhre that showed that children of divorced parents fare as well as kids of non-divorced parents - WHERE BOTH PARENTS STAY INVOLVED AND IN CLOSE COMMUNICATION with the kids.


I think this sheds a lot of light on the whole thing.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:35pm

I came into the debate thinking it near impossible to be a good WOH and a good Mom.

Mondo

Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:40pm
I like what you said but I disagree that it's a choice to be too tired.

And yes, it's easy for a divorced parent to step away, as this happend in my divorce. My XH lives two states away, by choice, and isn't involved except for summer visits when my DD's go to spend it with him in San Diego. I thank God for my DH...he's a great stepdad!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:43pm
Okay, I do get what you're saying. I know it is your way of dealing with the extremes here on this board but those of us somewhere closer to the middle do still like to poke holes in the Hours Counting Position. I personally do place a premium on the waking hours over the sleeping hours (to be with my children) because I like to have a more direct influence on my children. (Gotta brainwash them with my views before someone else does!)

I think you have a different perspective than most because you do have a flexible job with more time for children than many full time jobs allow AND because you have a special needs child who gets a lot of daily physical care from people other than you and your dh. I suppose it would be very insulting to be told that you aren't the primary caregiver of a child just because the child happens to have needs outside the norm and you happen to have a support network that helps you tend to those needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:48pm
You tell us. Can you leave the house from the moment your kids go to sleep until the moment they waken with impunity? Are those hours REALLY bereft of caretaking? Do your kids never have nightmares? Get sick in the night? Suffer from other sleep disturbances?

You tell me, just how important is it for a parent to be home, available and care taking during those hours?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,

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