I wouldn't say those hours are bereft of the responsibility of some caregiving. I would just say that *I* value awake time over sleeping time to spend time with my children. I think it is a better use of my time as a parent. Honestly, I am not called upon to do much in the middle of the night anymore and my children don't seem to mind who actually takes care of them in the middle of the night. (They are very comfortable with sleepovers at my sisters' house, Grandma's house, friends' homes when neither my dh and I are there.) That's not to say that occasionally my littlest guy won't crawl into bed with me for some middle-of-the-night snuggling or that my other little ds doesn't wake up with an urgent need to have a glass of milk--just that if I had to chose, I would take the "for sure" face to face time during the day over the "what if this terrible thing happens" time during the night. Those hours aren't "equal" to me.
Does this help: I don't always feel comfortable getting a babysitter for a daytime or early evening event when I haven't been spending much (quality) time with my children but I don't have a problem getting a babysitter later in the evening when my kids are about ready for bed. There is less of an interaction cost if I am gone while they are sleeping and the chances that they will really need *me* are quite slim.
Of course, it is important to have a parent around at night but I value the non-sleeping hours more myself.
I also wonder if part of why some SAHMs don't see that the few evening hours can come close to being as "rich" as the entire day's hours is that their view of the evening hours (and/or how they use those hours) is very different than for a WOHM. I think a lot of SAHMs use their evening to unwind from their "work day" and get some "me" time or to get some housework done while their spouse play with their kids.
I don't spend much time making dinner at all: it's something quick or what I've made the day before. I rarely do any housework in the evenings. I don't use it as my downtime. While my dd's awake, it's our time together. In addition, I wonder if toddlers of SAHMs go to bed earlier than those of WOHMs.
Edited to add: Oh, i just read your last post. I think you already said what I wrote here. lol!
Maybe kids are too complicated. Lets try computers. I am a senior IT person. I am typically *the* primary caregiver to a number of bouncing baby computer systems and all their components (hardware, OS, databases, applications, network configurations etc). Yet, I definitely spend far less actual time actually on those systems doing anything all, than do the junior staff. Yet those junior staff, even be they computer operators who do shift work and are on the systems 7x24...are not primary caregivers of these systems. Even though their work days are much more focused on those systems. Because the junior guys are not responsible for the big picture. They don't have the big picture. Not that they can't be, they just aren't. Some of them some day will be here or elsewhere. Some never will be. You might not understand the important nature of *primary caregiver* as you seem to view it as almost entirely daily task based...but thank goodness my boss does. Its worth alot of money and job satisfaction.
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Yes, that sounds bad. I mean, how to HANDLE being too tired.
Mondo
Does this help: I don't always feel comfortable getting a babysitter for a daytime or early evening event when I haven't been spending much (quality) time with my children but I don't have a problem getting a babysitter later in the evening when my kids are about ready for bed. There is less of an interaction cost if I am gone while they are sleeping and the chances that they will really need *me* are quite slim.
Of course, it is important to have a parent around at night but I value the non-sleeping hours more myself.
I also wonder if part of why some SAHMs don't see that the few evening hours can come close to being as "rich" as the entire day's hours is that their view of the evening hours (and/or how they use those hours) is very different than for a WOHM. I think a lot of SAHMs use their evening to unwind from their "work day" and get some "me" time or to get some housework done while their spouse play with their kids.
I don't spend much time making dinner at all: it's something quick or what I've made the day before. I rarely do any housework in the evenings. I don't use it as my downtime. While my dd's awake, it's our time together. In addition, I wonder if toddlers of SAHMs go to bed earlier than those of WOHMs.
Edited to add: Oh, i just read your last post. I think you already said what I wrote here. lol!
Edited 8/19/2004 1:42 pm ET ET by iaudrey00
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I agree with you.
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P&J.....All three of my kids are ok with sleepovers.
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