just a couple of comments...<> LOL! and I've STILL done this. what makes you think that i do NOT place a premium on their waking hours? because i work during some of them? Part of that "premium" is the ability to understand that my children gained wonderful things outside of my care that were IN ADDITION to my care and YET, I'm still the one that has had THE MOST "more" direct influence over my kids. In fact, it's laughable to think it would be any other way.
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Yes, but i've seen my sisters do JUST as well with much less flexibility in their time.
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yes, and if we didn't have help with her, then our other 2 kids wouldn't get what they deserved either. Additionally, it's important to remember that those that take care of her are GIFTED by her for doing so. That's why one of our home-health aides CAME BACK to work for us. That's why several of her babysitters have gone on to work with special needs kids as aides and teachers.
You've misunderstood me and I think I misunderstood you earlier. I read your words, "Sure, my kids sleep at night just like anyone else's. HOWEVER, it is important - as much as daytime..." and thought you were saying that you think daytime hours spent with kids were equally as important as nighttime hours spent with kids (while most everyone is sleeping.) Apparently, you DON'T think the two kinds of hours are of equal value. I thought your argument was that the hours were equally important to you and that was why you like to count them and include them in your position against MSAHMs and my response was based on that.
So in this post where you say, "What makes you think that I do NOT place a premium on their waking hours?" Umm, my answer would have been your words in a previous post. But I can see now that I must have misinterpreted your words.
My post was entirely sincere, no sarcasm, no hidden agenda. I think you've (mistakenly) gleaned a tone to my post, an antagonistic tone, that I did not intend. You get all defensive here and all I wanted was clarification about why you insist on counting sleep time. I was not trying to backhandedly insult you with comments about your special needs dd. I was trying to imagine what it is like to be you and how that affects your perspective on this topic.
And you can shout from the top of the mountain that your flexibility doesn't matter but I think sometimes you have way more in common with SAHMs than with full-time WOHMs because you enjoy a flexibility unheard of in Corporate America. Just as I sometimes have way more in common with other women who have four children, regardless of work status, than I might have with another SAHM with only one child.
thank you. in this forum, i'm always looking over my shoulder, around the corner because every innocent remark can be the catalyst for the msahm feeding frenzy that happens here like clock-work.
i will clarify that i do think that ALL time is important -- it's ALL premium -- it's ALL a PART of raising kids. and yes, my position certainly allows me a great flexilibility in that. However, as i've said numerous times, i've seen my sisters do the same fantastic job with much LESS flexibility -- and they're raising terrific daughters!
and your insight about my special needs dd is right on the mark.
Wasn't there some big expose on Dateline or some program about how unsafe hotel cribs are? It was a few years back now, but I, of course, usually disregard Dateline and look at the crib that was delivered and decide if it is safe enough:)
It doesn't bother me at all. Not an iota. What gives you the idea that it does? I think it is semantics and I don't understand why you get hung up on a phrase. If I say I want to SAH so that I can be my children's primary caregiver, why does that imply that you are not? It doesn't. It implies exactly what I said and the implications are directed toward me and my choices - not you or yours. It is not a step away from saying anything about your choices. I wanted to be the one providing the care. Period. I understand that a parent is always primary in their child's life. Being primary and doing the majority of the physical caregiving are two entirely different things.
I have always been primary in dd1's life, but when she was in other care for 60 hours per week, I was NOT the one wiping her nose or her bum, kissing her boo boos or feeding her lunch. I most certainly was the one responsible for her and her well being, but I was not the one providing the majority of physcial care during her waking hours. *I* preferred not to hire out that care of my younger children. I cannot understand why my regrets and making different choices now somehow demotes or devalues you as a parent. These are my feelings about my life and my choices. I don't think I was a *bad* parent with dd1 either. *I* happen to feel that the time sped by very quickly and if I could go back I would spend more of that time with her. Of course I can't do that, but I can ensure I don't feel the same way when my younger children are grown.
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Please tell me why I should have to lie or tread softly about my reasons for wanting to be a SAHM? Do you feel that you should not express how you find teaching fulfilling? If you do, does that mean everyone should be a teacher? Of course not. It explains why you chose to be a teacher. I chose to be a SAHM because I wanted to be the one providing the physical care of my children - not because I simply wanted to stay at home. I did it because I wanted to spend that time with my children as opposed to at my office. I don't expect that every mother should feel as I do, just as I don't think that every woman should become a social worker because I did.
I completely agree. It's all about what you want. What I want now is different than what I wanted with dd1. I was ambitious and eager and had a ton of energy. I can relate to the poster's supervisor because while I thought I had enough time, and I believed I could do it all - if I could go back now and do things differently, I would balance better. I wouldn't have spent so much time working because I do feel that I missed out on alot of time with dd. IMO, in my life and based on my experience, time is something that you can never get back. Money can be earned later but a two year old will only be two for such a short time. All of a sudden one day you wake up and your baby is starting high school. It goes by fast. I am cherishing each and every moment with these two babies now that I KNOW how precious this time really is.
I am grateful for this discovery because I learned alot of life lessons through that process. Understanding the concept of time and how quickly it passes, is one reason that I never, or rarely, took my dh for granted. My SAH actually gave he and I more time together and our time was more relaxed. Before we had kids and we were both working f/t, we had about half that time together due to conflicting schedules. I am grateful for the time we had together, and again, it flew by and was way too short. Since losing him, I can assure you, I have not once thought gee it would have been nice if we worked longer hours or made more money. No, what I wish for is more time, not money.
Isn't that what we've all read or heard that elderly people say too? That they don't think, "Gee, I wish I had become president or principal or gotten a degree" (when their life is near the end) They say, I wish I could have spent more time with my kids or my wife or my family instead of being a workaholic, etc..
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Yes, but i've seen my sisters do JUST as well with much less flexibility in their time.
<>
yes, and if we didn't have help with her, then our other 2 kids wouldn't get what they deserved either. Additionally, it's important to remember that those that take care of her are GIFTED by her for doing so. That's why one of our home-health aides CAME BACK to work for us. That's why several of her babysitters have gone on to work with special needs kids as aides and teachers.
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that would actually be highly insulting, yes.
eileen
So in this post where you say, "What makes you think that I do NOT place a premium on their waking hours?" Umm, my answer would have been your words in a previous post. But I can see now that I must have misinterpreted your words.
My post was entirely sincere, no sarcasm, no hidden agenda. I think you've (mistakenly) gleaned a tone to my post, an antagonistic tone, that I did not intend. You get all defensive here and all I wanted was clarification about why you insist on counting sleep time. I was not trying to backhandedly insult you with comments about your special needs dd. I was trying to imagine what it is like to be you and how that affects your perspective on this topic.
And you can shout from the top of the mountain that your flexibility doesn't matter but I think sometimes you have way more in common with SAHMs than with full-time WOHMs because you enjoy a flexibility unheard of in Corporate America. Just as I sometimes have way more in common with other women who have four children, regardless of work status, than I might have with another SAHM with only one child.
i will clarify that i do think that ALL time is important -- it's ALL premium -- it's ALL a PART of raising kids. and yes, my position certainly allows me a great flexilibility in that. However, as i've said numerous times, i've seen my sisters do the same fantastic job with much LESS flexibility -- and they're raising terrific daughters!
and your insight about my special needs dd is right on the mark.
eileen
That's certainly easier and smarter than hauling our portable crib half way across the country....geesh, why didn't I think of that?
PumpkinAngel
It doesn't bother me at all. Not an iota. What gives you the idea that it does? I think it is semantics and I don't understand why you get hung up on a phrase. If I say I want to SAH so that I can be my children's primary caregiver, why does that imply that you are not? It doesn't. It implies exactly what I said and the implications are directed toward me and my choices - not you or yours. It is not a step away from saying anything about your choices. I wanted to be the one providing the care. Period. I understand that a parent is always primary in their child's life. Being primary and doing the majority of the physical caregiving are two entirely different things.
I have always been primary in dd1's life, but when she was in other care for 60 hours per week, I was NOT the one wiping her nose or her bum, kissing her boo boos or feeding her lunch. I most certainly was the one responsible for her and her well being, but I was not the one providing the majority of physcial care during her waking hours. *I* preferred not to hire out that care of my younger children. I cannot understand why my regrets and making different choices now somehow demotes or devalues you as a parent. These are my feelings about my life and my choices. I don't think I was a *bad* parent with dd1 either. *I* happen to feel that the time sped by very quickly and if I could go back I would spend more of that time with her. Of course I can't do that, but I can ensure I don't feel the same way when my younger children are grown.
<<>>
Please tell me why I should have to lie or tread softly about my reasons for wanting to be a SAHM? Do you feel that you should not express how you find teaching fulfilling? If you do, does that mean everyone should be a teacher? Of course not. It explains why you chose to be a teacher. I chose to be a SAHM because I wanted to be the one providing the physical care of my children - not because I simply wanted to stay at home. I did it because I wanted to spend that time with my children as opposed to at my office. I don't expect that every mother should feel as I do, just as I don't think that every woman should become a social worker because I did.
I am grateful for this discovery because I learned alot of life lessons through that process. Understanding the concept of time and how quickly it passes, is one reason that I never, or rarely, took my dh for granted. My SAH actually gave he and I more time together and our time was more relaxed. Before we had kids and we were both working f/t, we had about half that time together due to conflicting schedules. I am grateful for the time we had together, and again, it flew by and was way too short. Since losing him, I can assure you, I have not once thought gee it would have been nice if we worked longer hours or made more money. No, what I wish for is more time, not money.
Exactly, so what? Why can't a mother choose to SAH because she wants to be the primary caregiver. How does that diminish any one else's choices?
Isn't that what we've all read or heard that elderly people say too? That they don't think, "Gee, I wish I had become president or principal or gotten a degree" (when their life is near the end) They say, I wish I could have spent more time with my kids or my wife or my family instead of being a workaholic, etc..
Life is indeed short.
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