SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 5:52pm
I don't care about stereotypes. They don't make me change my opinion on how I want to live my life.

I chose to be a teacher so I could be off when my kids are off. I chose to quit work during my pregnancy and the first 5 years of my dd's life. I will be quitting again for baby #2's pregnancy and first 5 years.

If it affects you then that is too darn bad. I don't live my life for others. Life is too short.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 5:56pm
"I had the misfortune of having the woman before me quit when she had babies. She, unfortunately, convinced our manager that women are too high a risk to promote."

I took a time machine 4 years into the future and overheard this snippet of conversation from a female engineer at your (former) company. "I had the misfortune of having the woman before me quit to go into teaching. She, unfortunately, convinced our manager that women really can't hack engineering over the long term and run back to traditionally feminine professions, and are therefore too high a risk to promote."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 3:55am
Something else that just occurred to me: by your past arguments in this thread, the male engineers can afford to walk away from engineering without perpetuating a negative stereotype that will affect other male engineers entering the field. If, for example, a male engineer left a job to SAH for a few years, you would not be in the least concerned about how this would affect his future male colleagues because he would not be doing anything to perpetuate a stereotype (there is no stereotype that male engineers are at high risk for leaving to SAH). However, a female engineer cannot afford to make any choice that would help to perpetuate the stereotype regardless of the behaviour of the males in the field or the actual reasons behind the choice. This is because anything a female engineer would do that gives even the *perception* that that female is following the stereotype would feed into the stereotype.

So even though you know lots of male engineers who leave the engineering to go into teaching, it is still not ok for you to leave to go into teaching because you are feeding into the stereotype of the woman who can't cut it in a male dominated field and runs to a female dominated field. The reasons behind the move just don't matter when it comes to perpetuating stereotypes. What is perceived as being interested in trying new things and helping open up space for younger engineers in the case of the male engineers will be perceived as not being tough enough for engineering and wimping out in the case of the female engineers, because that is the stereotype regardless of whether or not it is based in fact.

By your own argument, professional women should have less choice than professional men. Professional men can choose to leave, go to a new career, SAH if they want but professional women (not even statistically, but actually individually) should not have that choice out of fear of perpetuating stereotypes. And all this in spite of the fact that professional women for the last 20 years have been no more likely to leave their jobs for unemployment or career changes than professional men....in other words, in spite of the fact that the stereotype has had no basis in fact for the last 20 years.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:22am
I had a highschool teacher who was a PHd chemist too. We were very interested in that, even the uninterested kids. He was "wow...hes' not just a teacher". Along with the English teacher who was once, but no longer, a priest. My 10 yr old is very aware of the business background of the Gr 2 teacher she had 3 yrs ago, for heaven sakes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:25am
Your own kids are also experiencing your re-education process. I watched two parents do that. It makes a very lasting impression.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:31am
Your girls are questionning your career change...yet I know quite a few 10 yr olds who can't even tell me where they are going on vacation. "We're on vacation that week." "Really, where are you going?" "Ummmmm..." "Are you going camping again?" "Ummmm maybe...." "Are you driving or taking an airplane?" "Driving. I think? I'm not sure. My Mom didn't tell me." I was astonished to find 5 yr olds who couldn't answer this question. I give up. I suppose the same kids still won't know at 16. Some people just invovle their kids way more in life than others. I suppose the people who think your kids will never remember what you used to do...have/had that sort of family arrangement themselves, where the kids are sort uninvolved in things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 9:33am
The main reason is financial. You can ignore that if you want...certainly takes the responsibility for change away from women, doesn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:19am
Here's the light for you. If you quit the workforce because you became a Mommy, you just negatively impacted the situation for women - all women - in the workforce. See that light and deal with it. Its reality. Stop pretending your precious self has no impact anywhere but you and yours. Its an infantile perspective. And mostly, don't ever ever ever dare whine because women have less opportunity in the workforce than men. Never ever ever imply that *men* need to change to accomodate women. Women, like you, aren't even willing to change to accomodate themselves. You gave up the right to whine when you quit. You just get to admit that you think women deserve less opportunity in the workforce because by and large, they, like you, and unlike men, can't manage to continue to contribute to said workforce and raise kids at the same time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 10:22am
You are confused. Here is the fact. MOST people who change careers from engineer to teacher are male. So CLW is not behaving in a stereotypical fashion, much as that irks you to admit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 11:16am

That makes no sense.

Mondo

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