SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 8:53am
Support for your assertions, please. I have posted one link that shows that professional women have not been leaving their careers for any reason (including unemployment or SAH) than men have since the 1980s. I've posted the link twice, but I'll happily post it a third time for you if you have difficulties finding it in the thread. You have repeatedly asserted that women leave in much larger numbers, that women are not supporting their families, merely relying on the men etc. etc. You have not provided a single shred of evidence to support any of these assertions.....that is called blind prejudice and makes your arguments look vindictive at best (for no reason that I can fathom).

If you don't really care why I took off the years that I did, why are you bringing it up? I certainly haven't brought anything personal into this thread about my family's choices, so what is the point of you even mentioning it? Since you brought it up, though, and clearly need an explanation I will certainly provide one.

I didn't "quit to have babies", I stopped working because I was not legally allowed to work when dh took a job that was right for his career (the timing happened to coincide with the birth of ds, completely by accident since we had been trying for some time). Dh had previously followed me to the US to support my career aspirations for 4 years, he was able to work but in far less than ideal jobs (that certainly didn't do a whole lot for his career). I returned the favour by allowing him to pick the next postdoc once I was all done with my course work and research. He landed a plum one in a country where I was legally not allowed to work....had I been allowed, I certainly would have gone back to work after the standard European maternity leave.

Currently, he is more likely to take time off for sick kids, closed days at school, vacation, etc. and to take the time off for my convenience rather than his because my career is the one that needs more support right now. Taking time off completely is not necessary because he is legally allowed to work. When I took the time off to be at home, I was not legally allowed to work. If we do decide to move again, it would be a toss-up whether it would be my career that we would follow or his. In any case, both careers would have to be taken into consideration....which is why certain countries are now more or less off limits.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 8:57am
Wow. I've been in a the professional IT field for 15 years and have a masters in chemistry. If I loose my job and can't replace it in my field...I'm fairly certain I can find a min wage one easily. The fast food places have been hiring for ages. I certainly am operating under no impression that I could *easily* do meaningfully better than min wage. And I also realize...that with one parent seriously looking to replace a good (non min wage job), and the other working min wage for enough hours to make ends meet...daycare will be required and there will be nothing easy about affording THAT.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:03am
Conducting a good job search while sah with kids is not a real good way for anyone to go about replacing a primary income in as quick a timeframe as possible, male or female. There is a reason men who loose their jobs aren't willing to sah while their wives go out and work instead. Its a terrible financial arrangement, and will cost the family money in lost good-job time. They *need* to replace their own male jobs for the benefit of everyone, asap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:09am
And Grimal told you right. Your actions perpetuate the stereotype. The reason Grimal isn't perpetuating a stereoptype is that mostly men change careers, not women. She's doing a guy thing. You did a typical (not stereotypical) woman thing. And 25 yrs in about does it...lots of men retire at that point, and many of them move onto do other income earning persuits. Its a very typical guy thing. Again...Grimal is doing a guy thing. People who stick with careers for 25 years, even though they had 2 babies in there somewhwere...have proven they can hack it. Whether they are female or male. People who quit after 8...cause they had a baby...nope. Whether they are female or male. But its the males who do the 25 year+babies thing. So...no stereotype for grimal. You however...8yrs and out with baby....positively predictable. Get a grip.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:12am
Nope, she's doing something special, because so few people do it, and because it has benefit. She's bringing a whole hell of alot to teaching which those who do it straight out of school ever can. And its something society is wishing more people would do too. Deal with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:25am

How exactly is leaving one career for another career special?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 10:27am
Yes, I am a teacher with a college degree. I don't use any daycare. Never have. My child goes to school with me. Comes home with me. She is in the classroom next to me. Last year she was in the classroom across the hall from me. She goes to lunch the same time my class goes (that will change next year if I teach again).

If it snows I don't have to get up & go in. I stay home. I get 2 wks off in October for 'fall break. I get spring break weeks off. I get from before Christmas until after New Year's off with my dd. I get 3 days off just like she does at Thanksgiving. I have to be there 30 min before the bell rings, she is with me. I can leave when the bell rings after school like she does.

I have inservice days where the kids of course do not come. The lady that sits for us to go out for dinner occasionally or to something w/dh's company comes over to our house & sits with her while I go in. There really are not all that many. Those days are not as long as a regular school day. The teachers report an hour later and we leave 1 1/2 hours earlier than normal school day.

I don't have to sit with my class at lunch, the cafeteria staff supervise to give the teachers a 'lunch break'. I have the opportunity to have lunch w/my dd just like her friends have their parents come in for lunch and they dine in the special dining room. We don't do this everyday because she needs to be with her friends and I need to be with mine. Good for both of us.

When we have staff meetings any of us that have children just take them with us. I'm far from the only mother that has their children right there attending school and the school is great about accomodating us mothers after school for meetings which usually last no more than 45 minutes anyway. We have our meetings where there is a playroom with large glass windows so we can observe our kids adjacent. A couple of the assistant's are paid overtime to play with the kids & even take them out to the playground on meeting days.

My experirence is not the same as your mother. Thankfully.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 10:28am
You seem to be under the cloud of thinking that I expect it when I stated I NEVER HAVE & NEVER WILL. Maybe it bothers you that I have or never will expect it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 10:30am

Unfortunately that IS the bottom line I suppose, but at the same time I thoroughly respect the profession, and can understand why someone would choose to do less, when they don't *have* to do more.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 10:32am
I didn't even teach for 5 years before I quit the first time! The first time I quit & I was honest w/why I'm going ahead & quitting earlier was to plan my wedding, buy a house, get it decorated, shop for furniture, and go on my 2 wk honeymoon. I stayed home for the first year of marriage, then went back to work, worked for awhile & then we decided to have a baby, as soon as I got pregnant I quit until my dd started K. I didn't care what others thought. I'm living my life!

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