SAH parenting- "job" or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
SAH parenting- "job" or not?
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Thu, 12-15-2005 - 9:29am

SAH parenting- "job" or not?



  • Yes- it's a job (I'm a SAHM/D)
  • No- it's not a job (I'm a SAHM/D)
  • Yes- it's a job (I'm a WOHM/D)
  • No- it's not a job (I'm a WOHM/D)
  • Obligatory 'Other'


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 2:30pm
I'm not posting this to pick at your spelling, but because it confused me the first few times I read it ... The spelling for a karate/judo instructor/master is "sensei" not "sinse". I kept reading it "since", thinking you'd just made a typo, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:42pm

***I disagree. Our personal and public lives are separate.***

Oh I agree- but when I think of my "personal time"- I think of time for *me*, as in time to read a book, grab coffee with a girlfriend, take a long bath, *whatever*. Time when my other responsibilities aren't on the front burner and I can concentrate on something 'fun' just for me. Now if you're defining personal time as in time that you're taking care of what you need to take care of- then fine- we're just defining it differently. What do *you* call your "down time"- the time when you read a book, grab coffee with a pal, etc.?

***What makes it my job is going to work and taking care of business for someone else.***

OK- so your defining value is taking care of business for someone else. I'm assuming you mean someone else outside of ones family for pay? IOW- employment.

***My career belongs to me but my career is not my job. My job is what I do for a living, which may or may not mesh well with my chosen career.***

Sorry but that just doesn't make sense...

***You have a strange view of personal time. Is your husband not on personal time when he's home from work? If not, whose time is he on? I'm on my employers time when I am at work and my time when I'm home. I don't believe anyone elses time comes into the picture.***

He's on family time, or merely 'at home', and then after the things that need doing are done, he has some personal time to play his computer games, watch tv- relax- whatever.

***You'll have to explain to me how you could add a 40 hour a week job, transporting children to day care, chores like packing day care bags and extra laundry and things NOT get harder.***

I'm saying it'd be the same amount of work- just different work. For me, SAH is easier because I *enjoy* this sort of work. It's still just as demanding (at least at my children's ages) as a WOH position.

***This year, I'm stripping wallpaper over Christmas break. Life will still be easier than it is when I'm working full time because I'm not picking up 40 hours+ of work and I'll be on my time doing my own thing which is fun not a job.***

...You consider stripping wallpaper "fun"?

***When I'm working, I have to pack the chores I do into less time than you have***

I guess... I mean, I suppose I *could* just let my kids scream and be miserable while I did things around the house...

***and there are more chores to do so even if they're divided with a spouse, your time is still more full.***

More chores if one SAH? Yes- that does tend to be the case since the kids are around the house more of the day... Little tornadoes that they are LOL.

***Hour per hour at home, yes, I think working moms do more. Add in the job and they do a lot more.***

I guess it depends on the WOHM versus the SAHM. I know I wouldn't want to add a WOH position into my schedule because yes- it would mean alot more work. But at the same time- what I do *here* is work too. It would be a trade off of a different *kind* of work. Of course- again- if I were talking of older children, yes- I'd see where it would certainly be alot easier as a SAHM regarding SAH versus WOH. Once mine are a little older I'm sure I'll be able to do more of the housework that needs done- while they're awake.

Wytchy

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:48pm

what do you mean by *traditional* sense anyway....traditional job as in paycheck?"

No I mean its not a job. No more than being married is a "job" or taking care of an ailing parent is a 'job.' They are responsibilities and roles, not "jobs."


>>like our live in nanny, is a job.<<
mmhmm....because she's paid for what she does

There is that. But more importantly because being a nanny is her career choice. She's not a parent, it isnt her role or responsibility to take care of children outside of her *working* hours.

I fail to see why you want SAHP'ng to be called a "job." What chip does that satisfy for you?

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 3:50pm
Well its easy to see why you want to homeschool. Good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:01pm

My job, at the moment, may or may not further my career. Yes, my career and my jobs (I've had many) are different. My career is mine, I choose my jobs according to what I need at the time and what will further my career. That does result in jobs outside of what I'm educated for but that's all part of the education process. I've been an engineer for 16 years and have held 6 jobs within the profession, some fitting my career well some not but all had something offer.

My job is whatever I do for pay at the moment and that, really, belongs to the company. What I take out of each job I use to further my career.

I pack book bags, I drive my kids to school, the extra laundry, as I've explained before, comes from having work clothes and clothes I wear at home, both must be laundered. No, my house isn't empty all day. It's empty 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Spending 40 fewer hours home does not reduce housework by 40 hours. I doubt it reduces it by 5.

Fortunately, the lady who owned my house before, stripped the wallpaper every time she repapered. I understand she did the whole house about once every 6 months. What can I say? She was a stay at home mom with a lot of time on her hands. I've been here 10 years and I'm just getting around to removing the last of the wallpaper she put up.

I'll admit the first room I did was a chore because I didn't know what I was doing. Paper tigers and steamers are wonderful inventions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:04pm

Well, if that's what you consider personal time, then stay at home moms have a lot more than working moms. According to research, working moms give up that kind of personal time and things like sleep in order to make sure everything gets done.

Being at home is personal time. It's our time. No one dictates what we must do with the time. That is personal time. It's not me time but me time is just one type of personal time. My home life is not and never could be a job because it is my time and mine to do with what I want. I don't punch a clock, no one tells me when I must come and when I can go or what I must do in between. It's my call. Therefore, it's my time not a job.

My job/career whatever you want to call it is not my time. It is someone elses time. It is time that is sold to the company in return for the pay that pays for what I have in my personal life. It is not my time to do as I wish. That makes what I do a job. Doing what you want when you want is not a job even if there are chores involed.




Edited 12/18/2005 4:17 pm ET by kbmamm
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:15pm

Yes, a job is taking care of business for someone else. You're told when to show up, when you can leave and what you must do in between. Any time when I get to decide what I do is my time. A.K.A personal time. Are there chores I need to do on personal time? Yes but no one tells me when or how to do them or even if I have to do them. I can decide whether or not I want to mop the kitchen floor or just sweep it or neither because what I'm taking care of is my personal life.

My job is my job. I do what I'm paid to do. I use the money to support my life. Just as your husbands job is his job and he does what he's paid to do. When he's home, he's on his time and it's his to do what he wants with. What we choose to have in our personal lives is our choice. What my boss wants in my job is his choice.

Not too long ago, I had to do a job that was way out of my background because they had no one else to do it. That one won't go on my resume in any way but I'm paid to do what my boss wants me to so I did it. He ended up hiring someone else to do it because he took too much flack from my coworkers for making an engineer do what should be an hourly job. The funny part is they had to hire someone to work 40 hours to take care of what I managed on top of my regular job.

Our home lives simply are not jobs. Our children are not jobs, our parents are not jobs, they are our families. It was not my job to go to the nursing home 2-3 times a week when my father was dying. It was my responsiblity as his daughter. It was not my job to change diapers or feed my babies, it was my responsibility because I chose to have them in my life. My children were not thrust upon me, I was thrust upon them. No one told me I had to have them. I chose to have them.

Yes, I chose my career but the job I do is done for someone else on their time. They decide what I do, when I do it, how fast it will be done and when I can leave. That is a job. Being home all day is what I call vacation or a weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:19pm
I have a 10 year old who thinks she's going on 20 and a headache right now..... I don't even want to think about 5 years from now. I'll have to go find one of those primal scream websites ;o) either that or lock her in a convent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:33pm

That actually sounds like a fabulous idea... ;) At least they could handle the things that I don't enjoy doing, or can't get done with the kids underfoot... ;)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:45pm

It must be a regional thing because around here most parents *don't* actively participate in the things you'd mentioned. Some may stay and watch occasionally- or even frequently- but I wouldn't call that "family time"... What's often the case around here is that kids get rides to and from their extracurriculars via an 'activity bus' sponsored by the school, or that parents take the kids to practice and go attend to their other errands (unless it's a game night or special event etc.)

Wytchy

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