SAH parenting- "job" or not?
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SAH parenting- "job" or not?
| Thu, 12-15-2005 - 9:29am |
SAH parenting- "job" or not?
- Yes- it's a job (I'm a SAHM/D)
- No- it's not a job (I'm a SAHM/D)
- Yes- it's a job (I'm a WOHM/D)
- No- it's not a job (I'm a WOHM/D)
- Obligatory 'Other'
You will be able to change your vote.

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Ah, thank you. I had a brain glitch.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
***It's the difference between being self sufficient and dependent.***
I just don't see it that way. I may be *financially* dependant on my DH *right now*, but *he* is dependant on *me* for far more- unless one is placing utmost importance on money, that is. Further, I am *not* incapable of financially supporting myself and my children. So while I do *rely* on him financially for now, that doesn't mean I *require* his financial support. (The difference is being *able* to support ones self versus *not*.)
***If your happiness depends on being able to not work, you're likely to be in trouble at some point because your spouse is likely to expect you to work at some point.***
I guess I just haven't run into any spouses who change their expectations in that manner.
***Most men won't put up with their wives never working. Many will for a few years while the children are little but then they seem to start pushing their wives back to work.***
I haven't found that at all to be the case. Most men that I know of, so long as the financial situation is comfortable, find a SAHW to be some sort of a 'status symbol'- a sign that they are "good providers" and all that. And since most SAHW's tend to take on more of the domestic work, they're (men) aren't generally all that keen on adding to *their* workload once their wives go back to work...
***If your happiness is tied to being able to not work, I'd suggest you make sure you're independently wealthy before you have kids. Sooner or later, a spouse is likely to expect you to work and then what will you do? Be miserable? End up divorced? I've seen it come to that too.***
That's sad. I certainly haven't found that to be the case. But yes- if SAH is important to someone, it only makes sense that they find a mate for whom it's also important. Just like any other aspect of marriage where one may be incompatible... If one is a neatnick, don't marry a messy person. If one is a very active individual, one might think twice about marrying a couch potato. These are just basic things where one would do well to ascertain compatibility *before* marriage. SAH/WOH is no different IMO. Of *course* circumstances change, but if we're talking of just ones spouse 'changing their expectations'- I'd say that's something that needs to be discussed before marriage, don't you?
***If your happines is tied to not working, you'd better find a man whose happiness is tied ot having a stay at home wife. Otherwise, the rules may change as the children get older.***
Sorry, but in *our* family, it's not my DH who sets "the rules". "The rules" are something we arrive at *together* after much discussion, thought etc. SAH for me actually *was* a large part my DH's idea- it took me quite a while to get used to the idea of not contributing financially. There *are* alot of men, believe it or not, who *do* love having SAHW's.
Wytchy
Ah, that's part of the difference. Our dirty laundry is in each bedroom and is only brought out when it's time to wash. Only the towels and smelly exercise/yard work clothing (from dh) are taken to the garage before washing. No dirty laundry piling up in the garage/laundry room. It's washed and dried in the garage. I fold on the dining room table. The girls have always taken their clean clothes to their bedrooms to be folded and put away.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
Did you miss where I wrote in the next sentence that cleaning is done during NAP time? My house is very clean. I have a routine of what I do each day. Other than having too many toys in our house...the house is clean.
Breathe.
"Most men that I know of, so long as the financial situation is comfortable, find a SAHW to be some sort of a 'status symbol'- a sign that they are "good providers" and all that."
I guess that's true in some working or middle class families, but certainly not true in the upper middle and wealthy classes any longer.
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;) True- I guess I could at least try to get the socks done... If I didn't do the rest of it then... (I'm not a huge fan of folding laundry- so I don't want to have to do it a dozen times LOL) But sorting through and bringing out the clean socks and some things probably *would* be a good idea. (Preparing herself for digging socks out of the toybox for years to come LOL! ;) If nothing else, it'd be fun for the kids. DD LOVES to run around with a sock in each hand waving them around like a crazy girl LOL. Maybe that would keep her occupied while DS and I "sorted"... ;)
Wytchy
Um- hello- I was actually *agreeing* with you- that you're too busy to chill with 3 kids and WOH 45+hrs or whatever. A little overanxious to disagree aren't you?
Wytchy
I'm a big fan of making my life easier. And having them "help" when they are little will make my life easier in the long run. My goal as a parent has always been to work myself out of a "job" in 18 years (per child) or less.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
No- I got married at 19, my husband had (planned) major surgery about 5 months after we got married, we started TTC right after his recovery, then realized we were going to need fertility assistance, so between all of that- no- I didn't finish it then. I'd rather finish my degree closer to the time that I plan to use the credentials. I still take classes- mostly for personal enrichment, but they *are* applicable toward my degree, so I guess you could say I'm still working on it ;) Since I have other options to fall back on should I need to (I have vocational training certifications and even if I couldn't find a job in that field, my father owns a business in the field I'm certified in, so I could without question work there) so I'm not at all concerned.
Wytchy
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