SAH-Resume topic - Dads at Home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
SAH-Resume topic - Dads at Home
47
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 9:11am
Did anyone read May 12 Newsweek on the increase of stay at home dads? It's supposed to be a trend on the rise, now that more women are taking what scarce jobs are out there. I thought this was an interesting sidebar to the "parent" on resume debate, since I posted that this is exactly what fathers need to do to help achieve workplace equality for men and women. Any thoughts on this article?

I thought it was pretty eye-opening. It's a concept DH and I have been considering. And I wanted to bring it up for dicussion. If you made more $ than your husband, had a steadier job, etc., would you like/want/expect him to SAH? If so, how would your husband feel about the idea? How long would he SAH?

Any thoughts?

-Cd

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:12am
I will be staying home forever (as that was decided whether we had children or not and I've been home since before parenthood). My husband wouldn't last a week as he just doesn't feel that is what would make him happy. It fulfills me and gives me the life I dreamed of so I'm perfect for the job.

I never made even close to what my dh makes (he is an engineer) so it would never be a role reversal here.

If I did desire to work and did make same or more money I would not expect him to sah any more than he expects me to sah. While it is a mutual decision in our marriage both parties have to be happy and if one doesn't desire to sah then they should not. Although we do both agree sah is best for our kids and how we want to raise them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:24am
This is all based on wishes and if's but if I made enough money and if my husband enjoyed good health and was able to qualify for health insurance outside of work, he would stay home. We talked about it at one point but decided he needed to work for the life insurance.

He would be a great stay at home dad. He loves activities with the kids. He enjoys being with them and is very patient. He is also good about doing things around the house-folding laundry etc.

He would enjoy staying home and he would keep busy. I would love for him to stay home but I will never make enough for that happen.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:32am
For my DH, he could never stay at home. He's not a self starter. The children would be fed and happy, but he wouldn't do a thing around the house, so it wouldn't save me any work (other than child care, of course). His self esteem would really suffer. Luckily, we both really like our careers, so neither of us desires to SAH.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:36am
My husband *did* SAH.. and not with older children, ds was between the ages of 1 and 2 when he SAH. He loved it, and can't wait to do it again. I'm finishing school right now, but when I'm done, he will SAH and I will WOH. If it were up to him, he would be at home every day when ds gets home from school when he's older.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:37am
What did he like about it?

Did you still have to do most of the housework?

Did you like it?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:39am
Dh would stay at home if it made sense but I doubt it would ever make sense for us. I have a friend who was working PT while her dh worked FT. He was working in a dying industry and kept getting laid off and needing to find employment while the company she worked for was DYING for her to work FT in a stable field.

She is pg now. FINALLY, after years of this they have decided that he would stay home after the baby and she would go back to work FT. I think men still feel they are letting their families down if their wives are the primary breadwinners.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:42am
You'd probably have to know my dh. He absolutely loves kids.. not just his kids, all kids. He is very good at staying home, I would venture he is better than I am at it.

I *do* get the house cleaner, but when he SAH it was picked up, vacuumed etc, he just didn't tend to get the nooks and crannies ever. He always had dinner waiting on the table when I got home. I didn't have to do much housework... I mean, if I wanted the baseboards cleaned, that's something I did myself because I don't think he'd ever notice they were dirty, and I'm not the type of person to go around pointing out what he did wrong all the time. I liked it, except for the fact that I hated my job... but it was just that particular job, it was miserable.

--Edited to fix a typo


Edited 5/12/2003 10:43:56 AM ET by charlesmama

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 11:21am
Dh would SAH happily if I made what he and I do combined.

He tells me all the time that if I'd just go out and make $100K a year, he could stay home. To which my response is "If I could make $100K don't you think I'd do it anyway?" lol

He'd probably only stay home until they're both in school fulltime, which is only another 2 years.

Incidentally, dd's best friends stepdad is a SAHD. He had to go out of town for a family emergency last week so the mom stayed home from work (they have a 6yo and a 1.5 yo). She had to call her dh to find out what day the trash man came. We both had a good laugh over that.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 12:20pm
My DH DOES stay home and this always gets me because the views on it are so unequal. This question comes up and there are plenty of "My DH could never SAH, he just doesn't have the patience, or the whatever to do it." And I always ask, what if they were talking about MOMS? The mom would be told, by some, that she should never have had kids if she wanted someone else to raise them.

Well Dads who work are letting someone else raise their kids. Dads get the out of "He just isn't the SAH type" but Moms don't. It just isn't right.

I'm not really sure what a SAH type is, but my DH probably wouldn't fit. Our house is usually a wreck and the laundry is never done. But it is working for us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 12:26pm
No, dads (and moms) who work aren't letting ANYONE ELSE raise their children.

I thought your DH stayed home because he was a musician, and his work wouldn't pay enough to cover child care anyway?

No, I don't have the patience to be a SAHM. What does that have to do with whether your DH is a committed SAHD, or just an out of work father?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages