Is the SAHM the new status symbol?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Is the SAHM the new status symbol?
1697
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 10:36pm
In the 70's and 80's women fought to get into the workforce (the whole Ms. magazine generation)...and then the tide turned in the late 1990's when more women started to stay home by choice. Now, it seems like being a SAHM is a status symbol....and superior to being a working mom.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 3:48pm
Ill just agree~ April i did not know you had a child with heart problems...May i offer you a big hug~ (((APRIL)))


Edited 10/1/2003 3:59:11 PM ET by silverunity
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 3:57pm
Maybe b/c you claim she is not worthy of your respect and living a very shallow and unmeaninful life. You didi say these things directly to her.

why do you think your life is better than anyone else's? You still havent answered some question's...why do you deserve more respect than any one else and why are you more worthy than anyone else?

Will we ever get a answer or dont you have one.... b/c to be frank imo you dont deserve more respect than any mom and you are not more worthy than any mom...you simply think that.

That kind of train of thought is just like those SAHM's sterotypes you LOATHE~

Just curious.




Edited 10/1/2003 4:12:04 PM ET by silverunity

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:04pm
I'll give it my best shot.

MuffinsandToast is not the target of this thread. She already posted that she contributes time, talent and $$$ to church and school. So let's get that straight. I also said that I don't know any SAHMs who fit the stereotype, so this is largely hypothetical for me.

I believe all human beings deserve respect. But to earn a different kind of respect - that which I accord to people for who they are and what they do - they have to do more than exist. Being a good mom is admirable. Being a good wife is admirable. But for me, you have to do more than put Johnny and Janie on the bus at 8:30 am and then spend the next 6 hours, day in and day out, on spas, lunches, matinees, gossip, etc.

Do you believe respect is respect? Or that some people through their actions are deserving of more respect than others?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:21pm
Your pastor is ignoring one of the principal ideas of Christianity--the "body of Christ". The body of Christ is a much a body as a human body, and that means that different parts of it will serve in different ways. No lesser source than the Bible points out that different members will have different talents and gifts and money is a gift acknowledged to be one that not everyone will have. That's WHY the Bible urges those rich in money to be generous with their gift, over and above what one might consider a "fair share".

There is NO Biblical support for the idea that gifts to the church *must* take a monetary form and that volunteering or other gifts don't count. On the contrary, the original sacrifices and tithes upon which the current church bases its support for tithing originated with the idea that Isreal support the house of Levi (the ministry) with the fruits of its labor--WHATEVER those fruits might be--to include foods, manufactured and expertly dyed cloth and any number of other products and/or services rendered as a first fruit to the ministry of Isreal and thus, to God.

There is no subsequent teaching the Bible that revokes the value of such gifts as "counting"; modern churches are misguided in suggesting that contemporary gifts must only be in the form of money. Services to the church are absolutely "countable"; at least in God's eyes, if one is free to believe in Scripture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:24pm
i cant get that song out of my head...R_E_S_P_E_C_T lol Been singing it all day my now my 3 yr old has joined me and my dh is rolling his eyes. ROTFL~

Okay now to address your post...I realize M&F is not the target of this post however you did call her shallow and tell her she is unworhty of your respect. Yikes those are some harsh words and a wicked judgment call that gains you zelch on the worthy of respect theory imo.

I believe that all people deserve admoration for the sense and worth of being a human. Respect. I believe all people deserve politness and manners even if I do not agree or believe there actions or lifestlyes or choices ectera are worthy. I think individaully we are all are privelaged to show regard and consideration without feeling superiority in our diffrences.

Did that make sense???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:26pm
But don't you have MORE respect for some than others? I respect my neighbor, but I respect Mother Teresa more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:30pm
So your view is that respect is binary? In other words, either you respect someone or you don't, and there isn't differentiation in how or why you respect someone?

I'll give you an example. A former prof of mine was on CSPAN2 last night proposing constitutional solutions to the do not call debacle pending in Congress last night. He's an absolutely brilliant man, hilarious, great professor (and devoted daddy). However, he has the morals of an alley cat. His wife found him in bed with the wife of the other couple that they were on vacation with! In his case, I respect his teaching and his brilliance in First Amendment law, but don't think much of his personal integrity.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:37pm
Oh, I never said there aren't. I know some female attorneys who are great parents by anyone's standards - but they either have a lot of flexibility themselves, or their DHs do, such that their young children are with one or the other of them the majority of their waking time. I am sure you are aware that it is extremely difficult to control your hours as a litigator. Also, my DH is a retina surgeon (tweaking you back - I imagine you find saving people from blindness a career worthy of your respect!) which position also entails long hours and very little flexibility. Due to DH's training and subsequent job situations, we have lived in 5 different homes in 3 different states during my son's 5 1/2 yrs. I cannot imagine how my son would have had any stability whatsoever had he not at least had me at home with him. As we are now in a state in which I am not yet admitted to the bar (and it's NY, a particularly tough one) I would have to put in quite a lot of work merely to get a license here. My son's K is only half day, and afternoon at that - which gives me little time even to get that much accomplished without resorting to day care or a nanny.

It's not that I don't believe you that there are FTWOH couples whose children don't suffer from it - I just don't have any personal experience with FTWOH families to know that for myself. It is very unusual for me to meet FTWOH parents - and sadly, the only FTWOH couple I know had a child who was having serious behavioral problems which were quite patently related to a lack of continuity of his otherwise satisfactory care. I do think it's interesting that my son has never had a close friend whose parents were both FTWOH, which is perhaps surprising, because the last place we lived, that was the norm. (One child at a playground even got into a vigorous debate with my son about whether it was possible that I was his mother - he told my boy, "Mommies don't go to playgrounds!" Isn't that sad?) And most of these FTWOH couples used nannies - several I met were outstanding, but far too many seemed to think that their job requirements were satisfied if they kept their young charges' bodies and souls together.

BTW, I noticed your comment about an astronaut being more worthy of your respect than someone who "kept the home fires burning." (I do wonder how many astronauts could DO their careers and have families if they DIDN'T have someone who "kept the home fires burning.") At times you seem to be suggesting that any WOH or volunteering is more valuable to society than SAH, at times you appear to be suggesting that it matters what you do. If you wouldn't mind clarifying - I'm bemusedly wondering where, say, a "sanitation engineer" stands in your regard compared to a SAHP? How about the societal contribution of your own nanny v. mine as a FTSAHM?

D.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:40pm
Had to look up binary...No, i dont think respect is binary=consisiting of indicating of involvong two...whatever that means. that is not what i said anyway.

Sigh, ill try this agian. I respect individauls period no matter what there lifestyle or personal integrity. I dont have to like what they do I dont have to agree with them, I can loathe them. Until they have done something to me to disearn there respect i will respect them and even if i loathe them i am not worthy to disrespect them. I also would never treat somone with disrespect becasue they are not worthy of it...Iam not to make that kind of judgment.

Any clearer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:40pm
>>One can still "contribute" to their own personal immediate & extended families without doing any of the above. IMHO<<

Yes, I know that's your opinion. I'm asking you HOW they can contribute. Am I being unclear?

IMO - just "being available" isn't much of a contribution. It's what you do with that availability that matters.

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