Is the SAHM the new status symbol?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Is the SAHM the new status symbol?
1697
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 10:36pm
In the 70's and 80's women fought to get into the workforce (the whole Ms. magazine generation)...and then the tide turned in the late 1990's when more women started to stay home by choice. Now, it seems like being a SAHM is a status symbol....and superior to being a working mom.

Kat

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:45pm
I can't respect someone I loathe. For example, I tolerate my FIL. I don't respect him-he has been married 4 times and cheated on all his wives. He has a cruel streak and is very narcissitic. He has spent DH's illness complaining about how he has been affected by it and how torn up he is about it. He has made DH's illness about himself. I think I am worthy to judge and find wanting. It might be arrogant of me but he has an impact on my children and I want to make sure that impact is lessened. In other words, I am trying very hard to make sure the kids are not exposed to his cruelty, his lying and his self-centered behavior.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:45pm
I disagree with your theory.

I think being a good mom, a good wife, and a good child to your parent(s) is not only admirable but is one of the best possible things you can do with your life.

For me, walking the kids to school, seeing dh has a hot lunch every day, making sure every one has clean underwear is much more important than anything else I could be doing with my time.

My hubby. My kids. They are first, and yes, that comes before any volunteer role.

I volunteer very little, almost nil at this point since both of my kids are just in preschool and they just don't have very many opportunities in that role.

I think the life you want is fine for you but to try to say you don't respect people because they live differently is, well, it is just sad :o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:48pm
A litigator and a retina surgeon? That's two more than FT careers right there. I'm talking about two less intense FT jobs. DH and I both work regular normal office jobs. We both have to show up at work 5 days a week, and technically we don't have flex hours, but he has a lot of leave, and I can make up daytime hours at night within a pay period.

I might very well feel differently if we'd had childcare continuity problems. But we pay the absolute top of the salary scale to get a top flight nanny (and we only had one other childcare situation prior to that). I haven't found that two situations in 4 years to be too much change for my boys.

Do you want to be the glue that holds the family together, or the one for whom the family needs to held together? It's different for each person, but I don't buy the fact that I have to respect a mom who doesn't work and has full time child care help the same way I have to respect an astronaut (or a sanitation engineer).

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:48pm
Bottom line. I respect people in general & respect their choices in life. If they want to spend the day hopping btw the gym, the spa, and sitting around gossiping with the ladies over a 'spot of tea' then yes, I respect them for living as they see fit (and I think it is great they have the chance to have a say in the matter, that finances doesn't keep them away from how they want to live). I also respect a woman who decides to find a cure for cancer. She is also doing as she sees fit with her life.

S.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:49pm
YES!!! I agree with EVERYTHING you said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:51pm
You really care that women live their lives this way? Does it irritate you that much that women do this (with the happiness and support of their spouse)? I know women who do live like this and I don't respect them any less than the sahm next door who is washing, cleaning, and cooking all day. S.V.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:53pm
Yes. You respect people or you don't. You don't respect some people more than others.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:53pm
They are not all self-absorbed & whiny. You do know that, don't you?

One of my very best friends is one of those sahms. She is one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring people, one of the best mothers and a loving & devoted wife. A woman to be admired. Who cares that she lives the fluffy life while her kids are at school all day? I don't. It is the person she is that really matters.

S.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:55pm
Yes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:55pm
"For me, walking the kids to school, seeing dh has a hot lunch every day, making sure every one has clean underwear is much more important than anything else I could be doing with my time."

Well, DH can get his own lunch :) But I make sure the kids get to school/swim class, whatever, and I do 100% of the laundry in my house and no one's ever run out of underwear. I agree this is all important stuff, which is why I do it. But I can do other things also.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages