Is the SAHM the new status symbol?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Is the SAHM the new status symbol?
1697
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 10:36pm
In the 70's and 80's women fought to get into the workforce (the whole Ms. magazine generation)...and then the tide turned in the late 1990's when more women started to stay home by choice. Now, it seems like being a SAHM is a status symbol....and superior to being a working mom.

Kat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 11:08pm
Manage: Oversee and direct. Change their direction for work on a particular day or for a particular week. I have to give them direction of what they are expected to do daily/weekly while on the job.

Coordinate schedules: Set their work time for that week.

Take care of their scheduling: Just the act of setting the schedule once I've decided with them what it will be.

It takes more than just a phone call to do. But no, it isn't a huge task. It just takes time for me to stop & do it. I don't just leave their check on the table & they pick it up. It is hand delivered to them by my dh or myself. No real reason other than we just like to do it that way, more personal. The only time it is different is while we are vacationing. They still get their checks on weekly.

They are employees. There *is* effort and there *is* time involved. But yes, of course, they are there to make life easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 11:20pm
I don't understand what judgment you think there might be to pass on my DH?

There are lifestyle advantages to ophthalmology in general. He very rarely gets paged in the middle of the night, for instance. But as an employee of a hospital, he does not set his own schedule. He also has to work his surgical cases around operating room availability and therefore has very little flexibility. Plus his teaching responsibilities and departmental meetings take place at odd hours during which it would be difficult to find care. Could he find a position somewhere where he had more flexibility if I wasn't quite confident that society could function quite nicely for a few years without my contribution to the workforce? Sure, but he doesn't NEED to, so the advantages of being here (very close to family, superlative schools) outweigh the disadvantages.

I loved working as an attorney. I love being a SAHM. I can't imagine why so many bright women have trouble envisioning the societal contribution of both.

D.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 11:44pm
How I contribute to our marriage & family?

I see the household is running. Make sure the staff does their job & pay them for doing their job. Schedule their work. See the house stays clean (as much as can expected w/2 children).

I plan the meals. I cook. I pack lunches.

I pay the bills, oversee the accounts, and purchase everything to run the household.

I do the errands, I make the appointments, I take a load off of dh's plate.

I'm here for my husband. I don't have (this is my insight for my life) to work around a job. Same goes for my children.

I work in the school (wouldn't be able to do near that much if I WOH). Same with church (same applies).

These are contributions to the family. Yes, if I desired to WOH I'd still do these things (or would have to extend our help & pay them to do it). But they are still contributions.

We value having a sahp for our kids, for ourselves, for myself, and for the running of our lives and our home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 11:48pm
You *demand* respect for what you do but you choose not to give respect to those who are doing nothing wrong, just desiring to live opposite than you. Nice. Real nice. How can one earn respect for living their desired life if they can't give it? I don't think they can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 12:06am
I take it you aren't directing that question at me as I believe I've made myself clear that my whole family considers me "the glue" at this point. I don't see that you've answered whether you consider your nanny to be contributing more to society than your average SAH because she WOH, BTW. Still curious about that.

I've never met a SAH with f/t child care help so I've never had cause to think about whether I would look down on one the way you do, although I doubt it, as I have no idea how a relative with 6 children under the age of 7 and a friend with 4 kids under 5 manage to do the (beautiful) job they do. And while I don't have housecleaning help, I don't know why someone who SAH and simply prefers to hire out a good portion of those tasks would be somehow morally inferior to someone who works because he/she simply prefers to who therefore hires out a good portion of the care of his/her children. . . .There must really be something in your book to this "societal contribution" thing that I am missing. Look forward to seeing your reasoning on that.

D.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 7:11am
Not from a certain 50 million Americans they don't. I suppose there must be some people who buy from telemarketers or why would they bother. But I find any who fought the do-not-call list to be abhorant because they were fighting to be able to pester people who specifically said they didn't want to talk to them. Thank God for caller ID.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 7:12am
Good for the nanny! She gets some paid-for free time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 8:30am
Or women in general (even those w/out kids)?

"You do know I don't have a secret agenda to make all mothers work full time, right?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 8:33am
Right.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 8:35am
I see your point. Live however you want. I don't respect people whose desired lifestyle is to avoid any type of work, at home or paid (again, not talking about you). I think there are a lot of worthwhile things to do in addition to taking care of hearth and home.

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