The thread about sah/woh duties got me thinking about my own statis.
Im stuck too,
I was going by this in your OP.
"I do not write or have never written myself a pay check, i could, but i dont. The money i would make goes into the business."
If you could write yourself a pay check you the work that do then that means you have earned an income. How could you write yourself a pay check if you had not earned that pay check?
our carpet guy owns his own small business.
i'm not familiar enough with small business but DH sister does own her own salon now.
< I can't decide whether she is a WAHM or if she is a SAHM who volunteers her time in the family business.>
To me, working in the family business is working. Volunteering, to me, includes having no financial stake in the outcome. She will benefit from the continued success of the business, thus there is a financial reward, thus WAHM.
Benefiting from your SO's work is completely different from putting time into the business you yourself own.
Your business, your financial reward if the business does well. WAHM.