SAHM vs. WOHM what do you love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
SAHM vs. WOHM what do you love?
194
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:05am

So, I've stumbled onto this page from the August Expecting Club and due to my own questions thought I'd ask those here their TOTALLY open and honest opinion...


I'm 25, DH & I are anxiously anticipating our first child and we are currently trying to decide whether I should be a stay at home mom OR work outside the home.


I've had several different career opportunities but nothing "professional" I guess you could say.


Photobucket


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 7:43am

I've been both so I'lll answer both.


SO the question is... If you are a SAHM what do you think is the best part? What's the worst? Why did you decide to SAH?


The best part was having a free schedule to fill as I desired (that went away as

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 9:53am

Welcome and congrats on expecting your first child!


I'm a full time WOHM because I enjoy what I do and because I make almost half of the household income, which really benefits all 4 of us.


I need an externally imposed schedule; I like external validation for my accomplishments; and I don't have anywhere near enough patience to be AH.


<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 11:54am

I have done both, so I am going to answer both:


If you are a SAHM what do you think is the best part? Being there for my kids without any distractions from work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 12:31pm

"If you are a SAHM what do you think is the best part? What's the worst? Why did you decide to SAH?"

The best part is being here to see all of my kids' "firsts" and for me, (this is highly personal here) knowing that my kids aren't going to experience the horrors I did at daycares. I'm certainly not saying all or even most daycare situations are bad, I'm a part-time daycare provider myself! It's just one of those (extreme?) preventative measures I chose to take, if that makes sense :)

The worst thing about being a stay at home mom? Hmmm....the only time I ever got the feelings of isolation were when my dh was deployed. That was hard, being a full time SAHM with no spouse to trade off with. But when he's home, I don't feel isolated or cut off by being a SAHM. Just last night in fact dh was saying how over-full my plate is right now, so I "get out" quite a bit. I think having a 100% supportive spouse really helps mitigate a lot of those "worst parts".

Like most parents, I wanted to give my child the things that I didn't have but felt that I needed growing up. I chose to SAHM while my kids were very young because as a child myself I hated...HATED not having my parents around. My step mother grew up very very poor, and so her choice to WOHM stemmed from her desire to be able to give her kids the material things she couldn't have while growing up. Neither one of us is more right than the other, but it is interesting that our choices were BOTH based on healing our own youth rather than necessarily what was best for our child, even though it may have turned out to be the best.

rhonda-1.gif picture by fouripleys

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 12:55pm

I WOH part time. The best part about it is that I get to spend lots of time with my baby but I also get to stay in touch with the non-mommy part of me (my job is my passion). It's a nice balance.

The worst part is that it's hard to find part-time childcare for infants (even if they only attend part time, you still have to pay full time rates), so it might negate almost your entire paycheck which is financially stressful because you're still basically a one-income family. I work evenings, so daycare costs aren't a problem, but we have so much student loan debt that it's almost the same.

Soon I'll be going to work full time. The best part about that is that it will ease our financial situation even after daycare and loan payments, which is a good feeling to take some of the stress off of my husband. Plus the house will stay neater because I'm not here messing it up all day, LOL. The worst part is that I'm still having a hard time imagining not seeing my baby for 8 hours a day. Wondering whether he'll have a hard time adapting to the change stresses me out to no end.



Photobucket












iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:06pm

"Plus the house will stay neater because I'm not here messing it up all day, LOL. "

Ooooh, yes! I wouldn't say it's the WORST part about SAH, but it certainly is right up there!! The house gets messy, dishes get dirtied, and the electric bill is higher because someone is always home. I do keep up with the basics: dishes from breakfast and lunch; we clean up toys 3 times a day, and I vacuum every day after lunch...but I don't do things like laundry, bathrooms, floors or kitchen cleaning during the day, which DO get dirtied by being home all day long.

rhonda-1.gif picture by fouripleys

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:15pm
It IS interesting.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:16pm
LOL that's not exclusive to SAH. My kids are in and out of the house all day, even though we're at WOH.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:29pm

I WOH for many reasons: I love what I do and frankly am quite good at it. I have made an investment in education that I want to apply in a professional setting. I came from a 'divorced family' and watched my mother struggle to support a family on her own - as a result I have what may possibly be an over-developed need to be financially independent, despite nothing on the horizon to make me think I would ever be divorced. I am unwilling to make what are to me unacceptable sacrifices (i.e., NOT doing: aggressive college and retirement savings, advance paying our mortgage, having little to no consumer debt, being able to travel once or twice a year, Catholic school for our kids) that living on a single income would require for us.

Those are all reasons that I WOH, I guess, as opposed to what I actually like given that I am doing it.

As you mentioned, I love the adult interaction. I like the sense of recognition and reward I get from a job setting. I am ambitious and a tad competitive - things I can 'feed' in a more acceptable way in a career than I would say a volunteer setting or solely staying at home.

At the same time, there are things that *are* harder. I always feel that I am doing 'the best I can', not necessarily my best. Time management is always a challenge, and if I did not have what is an incredibly flexible career I am not sure I would be as happy as I am. I resigned from a formal management position after I returned to work with my second child, primarily because going to 'staff' meant I could vary my hours more - come in late sometimes, leave early others, work at home occasionally - than I ever could when I had 40 people reporting to me.

There will always be a struggle of am I doing the right thing --- I believe my children have THRIVED in daycare - their teachers have been partners with me and trusted members of my kids' extended families. But they will STILL have separation anxiety and cry when you drop them off from time to time. There will still be days when you and DH are arguing about who stayed home the last time the baby was sick and who *has* to be at work more that day. Sooner or later there will be SOMETHING (a daycare mommy-and-me lunch, a spring party, something) that you cannot attend because you had to work and your child says 'but everyone else's mom was there'. It comes and goes and I do believe that it does get easier as they get older.

Good luck. As a point of reference, though, there *are* support boards for SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, etc. - I think most people here will give you an honest and helpful response, but it's still a debate board. Other boards geared towards support may prove helpful as well.








iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:30pm
You mean I don't have a sparkling clean house to look forward to in 5 years!?!? Crap!

rhonda-1.gif picture by fouripleys

Photobucket

Pages