SAHM vs. WOHM what do you love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
SAHM vs. WOHM what do you love?
194
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:05am

So, I've stumbled onto this page from the August Expecting Club and due to my own questions thought I'd ask those here their TOTALLY open and honest opinion...


I'm 25, DH & I are anxiously anticipating our first child and we are currently trying to decide whether I should be a stay at home mom OR work outside the home.


I've had several different career opportunities but nothing "professional" I guess you could say.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:35pm

Funny, I touched on that in my response as well. Part of my *drive* to be financially self-sufficient stems from my mother's own experience (SAHM until I was 8, WOHM for first time in 25 years after that). I never once considered SAH (back when family decisions were abstract) because I never wanted to 'be my mother' - I wanted to know I could support myself and my kids completely alone, and not struggle with that. I think that, at least for me, it (ironically?) makes my marriage more stable, because there is not a sense of depedency (and thus resentment) between us.

Yes, I know many people who have a SAH parent do NOT feel that way - but I am saying that I think *I* would, and as a result, worrying about being able to support myself if divorced has placed me in a position where I am less likely to be divorced.








iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 1:54pm

"Like most parents, I wanted to give my child the things that I didn't have but felt that I needed growing up. I chose to SAHM while my kids were very young because as a child myself I hated...HATED not having my parents around. My step mother grew up very very poor, and so her choice to WOHM stemmed from her desire to be able to give her kids the material things she couldn't have while growing up."

I think your observation is very correct. OTOH, I always try to assess how much of my impulse is based on what you describe above, and then I try to arrive at a more rational basis for decision, at least with big decisions like SAH/WOH. Don't you think most other people do as well?

There are things I have decided pretty much solely because my kid was not going to go through what I went through. For example, when dd wanted to learn how to read, I helped her. As a kid I was not allowed to learn before I went to school, and I still remember the intense frustration I felt. But even then, I read a lot about what it means to learn how to read and how a kid should learn etc before making my final decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:29pm
ITA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 10:12pm

Best part of sah: watching action movies in the afternoon

Worst part of sah: Erica.

Why I was a sahm: Erica.

Best part of woh: I get to play Barbie doll with real, live "dolls". And I get to sew all the time.

Worse part of woh: dealing with bridzillas and their mothers.

Why I woh: I love to sew. And my working enables dh being able to pursue his career. According to Joy, however, I'd still work at the bridal shop even if I didn't have to. And she's right.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:38am
i have fantastic memories of my own mom's sah.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:47am

the only d word that threatens our marriage is death.


when i hear local stories of husbands killed in lines of duty or of deaths related to illnesses that take men at young ages and the beautiful,loving families left behind,my heart breaks.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:53am
Me too. But SAH turned out not to be great for her, personally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:55am
I'm so glad to hear divorce is not possible in your life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 9:38am

do you ever wonder what groups of ppl are polled for those studies?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:22am

The statistics mean that even if you personally never have to worry about divorce, a whole lotta people should be planning for that eventuality.


As to money being an issue between couples, I think it's more of

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