SAHM vs. WOHM what do you love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
SAHM vs. WOHM what do you love?
194
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:05am

So, I've stumbled onto this page from the August Expecting Club and due to my own questions thought I'd ask those here their TOTALLY open and honest opinion...


I'm 25, DH & I are anxiously anticipating our first child and we are currently trying to decide whether I should be a stay at home mom OR work outside the home.


I've had several different career opportunities but nothing "professional" I guess you could say.


Photobucket


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 1:56pm
and it's also "statistically" proven that those who divorce once are most likely to divorce again and again too..only moral if there is one,don't enter marriage lightly.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 2:11pm
I get that. The referenced post, however, was seeming to imply that there is something about divorce numbers to 'put faith in' or not. I personally do not feel that the divorce rate has ANY EFFECT on my own marriage - I made what I think were strong decisions based on common faith, common goals, common value, and common temperment before getting married. But I certainly think it perfectly reasonable for me or anyone else to say that the experience of witnessing divorce, particularly as a child, influenced *what* values and goals you built for yourself, and thus affected what you looked for in a spouse (and in a relationship including decisions to WOH/SAH).







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 2:27pm

My mom always said that there are two things she would never say....


'My dog would never bite and my child would never do that".


I love that statement and I think it fits here...


I would love to believe that I would never divorce or DH would never die or become disabled.


But it would be arrogant to think that it would never happen.

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 4:36pm

The referenced post, however, was seeming to imply that there is something about divorce numbers to 'put faith in' or not


what my own post referenced was a post that said to look at statistics. i would bet 40,50 or whatever the

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 4:48pm

>> then why the initial op (that i replied to with,thumbs down) that woh prepares you more for a divorce than a family with a sahp in it? were you only speaking for your own sahm?

I suggest you re-read the post you are misquoting. I was clearly stating that I found it ironic that I tended to overcompensate towards WOH/financial independence because of my own experience with divorce, only to find that it rendered my own relationship more stable as a result.

Followed by a paragraph where I state that I understand that this does not apply to many relationships where a choice was made to have a SAHP.

I totally get that this is a debate board and thus everything is up for debate - but the sub-thread you put your 'thumbs down' to was a tangent commenting on how we found it interesting that OUR OWN childhood experiences with our mothers' roles tended to mold OUR OWN choices. And you just posted that you found the same thing to be true. I'll grant that it wasn't an earth-shattering revelation, but nor was it particularly debatable.








iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 5:38pm

I agree. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. One can mitigate the divorce by several things. The divorce rate goes down considerably as the age of marriage increases, if the parents have intact marriages, if the couple has higher education, participates actively in a faith... But it can still happen and if one is a sahp, they need to ensure that the have their name on things like house loans and credit cards- to keep up a credit history, on the deed of the house and the cars, keep up IRA payments.... One needs to keep ones employer networks active and any licenses current.

That said, the people I have known with shaky marriages have never sah- perhaps because it was too much of a risk for them (just a few couples - the vast majority of couples we know with dual wohps are not on shaky ground). Some have divorced and some are still married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 5:43pm

no, i didn't think divorce was an issue for us either -- until I turned 40 and that was just "it" for me (after almost 15 years of marriage).


THANK G-d

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 6:06pm

I'm a SAHM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 6:06am

"the only d word that threatens our marriage is death."

You are wrong. Disability is another D word that impacts a marriage. Insurance frequently isn't enough with disability. Almost everything one needs to do to be prepared in the event of divorce and the same ones one needs to do to be financially prepared in case of disability.

A sahp/wohp family needs to make sure their ducks are in a row. (Much applies to the dual wohp family too)

The sahp needs to keep her/his certifications and licenses up to date, keep up his/her work network, making sure his/her name is on one financial documents, have 6 months of costs saved in semi-liquid assets...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 8:08am

you should have seen MY face when my ex walked in one day (shortly after Alyssa was diagnosed) with a HUGE big screen TV.....


I was not quite as upset when he hired a carpenter to build a

Pages