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| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm |
For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.
I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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Subtlety must be nice. In our household (where I'm 70% of our income) - it goes something like:
Me: I need help with XXX please, I need to get to bed soon.
Him: I'm tired, please leave me alone.
Me: I'm tired too, but this NEEDS to be done.
Him: Just let it go!!
Me: Listen, whenever you're ready to have a SAHW do all this FOR you, you let me know. Till then, you can't "just work". You have to come home and work, too!!
Him: Fine, if you quit, I'll just go back to NY, and you can do whatever you want.
((Absolute standoff))
Mondo
thanks for a better understanding of what you'all mean by *money card* here.
i don't think dh has ever exerted his role that way though. heck,when he came home late last night,he took over with the kids,put them to bed and all. when they were babies,he very often was the one who got up in the middle of the night to feed them (with the exception of baby one who was exclusively b/f).
my example of *money card* (if there is one) is probably when i bring up an argument or vent about sah with whiney kids all day. i know he hates to hear it and more often than not, his response is something to the tune of "well *you* go out and make the money for this family and *i'll* sah...." shuts me right up. snort.
"How does a spouse make "work" where there is none to be done? For instance, there is only so much research and writing you can do for your job. You can be a perfectionist and still "reasonably" take 40 hrs to do what a less diligent Professor at your University would do in 10 hours. But that doesn't mean you do not have legitimate work."
In many jobs, there are no stopping points. I could, literally, work 24/7. Regardless of pace, there is *always* work to be done. So finding limits and stopping points that you must create and enforce can be a challenge. I still slip up occasionally :-)
"Are you contemplating the situation where there is no work to justify the spouse being at the office 90 hours/week, but she's at the office 90 hours/week anyway? That's not a workaholic and it's not enabling ~ that's a spouse unhappy with her homelife, husband and children. Is that what you mean be enabling?"
Not necessarily. Like I said, in many jobs especially self-employed-type jobs, there is always work and it is up to the individual to set limits. No one else will tell you to go home after 60 hours or 80 hours. My concept of a workaholic is someone that works 90 hours a week, not because they are unhappy at home, but because their ability to stick to reasonable limits (40hrs, 50hrs, whatever) is impaired. A spouse enables that problem by removing all consequences. IOW, there is no negative consequence when the working spouse does not get home until 10pm every day.
"Are you saying there were no positive consequences to your longer hours? If you hadn't worked long hours and weekends, your career still had the exact same chances of advancing in position and remuneration? Your salary and job title had no *chance* of improvement whether you worked 35 hours/wk or 65 hours/week?"
No - I did not say there were no positive consequences, either. Although I will say that the promise of postive rewards was not necessarily the driving force behind my work schedule on a daily basis. Overall, yes, but day-to-day it was just more about finishing the project, starting the next one, etc. My success to date is equal parts my hard work during those years, skill, and luck.
"Another thing I find confusing is that when kids came along, your addiction suddenly stopped and your work hours were cut drastically. I think either one is an unhealthy workaholic or is not. And I think the coincidence of your having children and drastically cutting down your work hours is a reflection of what you were getting in return for those hours at work."
Absolutely not. Were the consequences removed (and by that I mean both my DH's unwillingness to completely take over our home and children and my own desire to be an active part of kids' lives on a day-to-day basis....but when they are all in college, for example, the negative consequences of my work hours will be largely removed), I would likely be right back to 12 hour days. Happily.
"But my question really involved whether you would have improved your employment status and compensation if you had continued those same workaholic tendencies AFTER children."
Interestingly enough, no. I am quite successful even with maintaining very reasonable work hours (on paper I commit to 50 hours a week). More successful, in fact, than many collegues that put in the kind of hours I used to. It is interesting talking to their wives, too. They insist that their DH's *have to* work those 12 hour days. I have learned otherwise. But there was a time when I would have agreed as well...
Mondo
That scenario has played out in our house with this difference:
Partner A: You've been up for 100 straight hours with our colicky baby. Let me take over so you can get some sleep.
And then, the kid would have the nerve to go right out to sleep on dh's shoulder before the kettle whistled for his tea. Dh would drink his tea and rock the baby then put her to bed and go back to bed himself. And still get up and go to work in the morning.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
Mondo
And very annoying.
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
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