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| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm |
For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.
I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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I have always conceded that people (particularly women) who do not wield sufficient power in a marriage become manipulative.
What's that old proverb - the man has power the woman has influence?
I truly despise that scenario. Everyone needs to negotiate what they need in any relationship without resorting to manipulation or outright control. They are different sides of the same coin.
Mondo
I agree. But the point is that it was not obvious until that point.
As long as there is sufficient income and no one is bucking anything, non issue. I guess I'm saying it's hard to know someone's true colors.
Back when I was pregnant and DH was unemployed and threatening to leave me/DD for a job in LA - despite me being sicker than a dog..... I truly could not believe it. Would have have really done it? Well, he didn't. But I also made it clear that if he did, he wouldn't be coming back. So I played my own card. If I'd been supportive of his move, would he have really left us just because he was that hard up for a job? I *really* don't think so. He does love us, after all.
But sometimes difficult times bring out he worst - as well as best - in us.
Mondo
I'm glad to read your post because the money card is not thrown around here either, thankfully. (Shame on your DH for that last comment though!)
I think the "Partner A scenario" where he/she refuses to help with the infant at night because he/she has to pay down the mortgage doesn't cause animosity in a sahp household. I mean it's kinda true ~ sahps can nap the next day, sahps can stay in their pajamas at home the next day, sahps are more likely breastfeeding than the dual-wohp mom, and sahps aren't getting paid for their lethargic input at an office the next day, nor can they be fired. It's not so much the money card, just realistic in a sahp household.
Also, as the children got past age 18 months or so, waking at night was very rare so that ~ if they did call for DH ~ he just went without starting a fight or something.
Oh, I don't believe in the business model of marriage at all. I just think it's different for different reasons than you do.
Women make less than men do in general, and they tend to make more career concessions when they have children, so I think that's why men tend to come out better in divorce situations.
Isn't there a lot more to these stories though? I don't see what your DH wanted as similar to your ungrateful neighbor. Your DH wanted to leave to provide for your family. It would have been a hardship for him too. He may even have been perfectly fed up with being a sahd at that point too.
Any spouse who doesn't kiss the feet of the other spouse who quits and cares for his mother with Alzheimers for 10 yrs is a total you-know-what. To play the money card when she got sick herself was probably the least of their marital problems.
Oddly, it's the IDENTICAL scenario of my old landlord back in NY. Expenseive 1mil+ house (we had the attic apt).
The wife had raised kids, cared for aging MIL, and encourage her DH to take on a business that didn't make it.
The DH decided all his ills were her fault, divorced her, and left her fending for herself in a house she couldn't maintain, and denying child support. This woman was trying to get by on about 22K working fulltime starting over at the age of 55.
He had hidden his prodigious assets well (legally) and the house was all that was left - she wouldn't leave it for anything. The court battle lasted for years.
It just seems that it's almost always the women who lose. I 100% agree about the appreciation one SHOULD feel for someone who has cared for their own parents.
I truly don't understand the scenario and yes, I think DHs issues were more of an absolute desperation on his part. He could save face in a way, by my *telling* him NO DON'T WORK, than if I had not. But that's some guy thing - they are embarassed to be the wife's support system. It's OK only if they are forced to. I tell you, being breadwinner is downright weird sometimes.
Mondo
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