For SAHM's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
For SAHM's.
1137
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm

For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.

I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:30pm

That sahms are *more* likely to bf? My reading over the years; 3 years of La Leche meetings; despite years of working, I knew just 1 mom who pumped; common sense; the notoriously appalling lack of accomodations for women who want to bf and/or pump at work; the common knowledge that pumps are insufficient in mimmicking nature; etc.

You disagree? If so, I'd love to read more on the subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:34pm

LTB, I was being facetious or ironic or whatever. I meant to say "From my reading", as in no *admitted* use of the MC. I think it's only I and maybe audrey who even acknowledge it has happened in their marriages, and PNJ *might* have it if conditions were right. If others here think it doesn't exist for them, I can't argue that it does. I wouldn't bother trying to use this board as a frame of reference over a thing like that, anyway. It's just my opinion and my experience IRL that makes me think as I do. Some of the other posts in this thread have also been illuminating in that regard.

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Then I don't think it's I you're disagreeing with. I think things are a certain way in a marriage, maybe things are as balanced as they can be, and then they change in divorce. Nobody necessarily has to have been sneaky. It's just that true colors emerge. Some people just don't know themselves as well as they think they do, nor their partners.

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I'm sure that happens all the time. But dh and I have been together for over 30 years, and during such a long time, things do change around, ebb and flow. "Irreversible" isn't a word I'd subscribe to.

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True, but it's easier said than done. I'm as feminist as anyone, and it happened to me. Without domineering or manipulating in any direct way at all, dh holds the MC. And I helped him by putting him through Harvard, silly me.

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I sure as heck didn't see that when we were dating, but we were 21, and I barely remember... lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:35pm
I think they would both be able to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:38pm
I've seen several studies of breastfeeding rates among employed and non-employed mothers. They have widely varying conclusions. The best study I've seen shows that more mothers who intend to stay home do initiate breastfeeding, but that among those who do initiate breastfeeding, the percentage of those "still" breastfeeding at 6 months is about even for women employed full time and women not employed full time, and at one year, full time employed mothers have a slight edge. So while a mother of a newborn who intends to stay home is more likely to be breasfeeding than a woman who intends to go back to work in the first year, it kind of evens out over the course of the first year. I think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:43pm

Yes, it started out being about blatant use of the MC. Which is different than the "soft MC". But it just cracks me up when people say, "Oh, wow, if my dh even so much as hinted at using the MC on me...", when quite often the dh really does have the financial power and it just hasn't yet been brought home by that perfect storm of events.

Why is it not his fault? Because I've been there every step of the way on his meteoric rise to a brilliant career, and I know exactly what is involved by way of hours, availability, and so on. And I know exactly how important it is to him. He'd give a lot of it up and become just a bit player in his company if I insisted, and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. So I have to make choices among my concerns for my work, his work, who holds the MC, who takes the blame for what, and so on.

Agreed, quite often isn't always, and things are slowly turning around wrt this, thank god. It's just my nose for hypocrisy that sparked my interest in this MC business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:51pm

It's not so much that he's unwilling, it's more than I'm unwilling to make him. I'm not sure his career is quite as important as his family to him, but I'm darn sure it's almost as important. It's also that I can kick it with my career in just a few more years if I still want to, so why rock the boat now?

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Do courts by and large give divorced women (or a lower earning partner of either gender) more of a break than disgruntled exes? I hope so. But if so, they can't rewrite the past and get the partners to willingly do what it took a court to do.

Look, I'm not saying all the lower-earning and SAH wives are deluded and by definition have evil partners who hold and abuse the money card. It just gets my goat when some people paint their marriages as some sort of Strawberry Fields deal where that higher earning spouse would never, ever consider doing such an evil thing. I think those people just haven't seen as much divorce and disability as I have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:52pm
Yes, I'm guilty as charged. But if we split up and I lose my house, that's the money card in action. Even if I handed it to him, why pretend it doesn't exist?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:55pm
Yes, you explained that before in another thread. In my life, if we broke up, we probably would have to sell our house, although I'd have to do the math; possibly he could buy me out and keep it. But if we sold, his next residence would be way better than mine!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 6:59pm

Well, it sounds like they're a special case, since they're better off than the average divorcing couple, right? And even if the wife gets to keep the house, that's usually because they're older and it's been paid off. Sometimes even that isn't good enough, since the taxes and upkeep can be an awful lot for a single woman to carry, even with a decent job.

I don't think I said sah/woh is an issue when dividing up assets. I just think the MC is easier to find and more often used than some people think it is, at any age, any work status.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:00pm

Fair enough.

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