For SAHM's.

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
For SAHM's.
1137
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm

For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.

I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:05pm
Why should the fact that I earn less automatically mean that I'd have to take a cut in SOL upon divorce? After all, I've been the primary caretaker to our kids. I've done far and away more housework. Aren't my contributions to the overall life of our family equal to his, even without my pay equalling his? Isn't that what most SAHP's say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:06pm
We'd most definitely have to sell our house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:07pm
Yes, and I come from sort of a low rent background, too, where lots of unfortunate things tend to happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:09pm
Obviously, but if marriage is a partnership, and they're both pulling their weight equally in different areas, isn't it sort of a conundrum that one should wind up with a lower SOL by and large than the other? If everything counts equally during the marriage? That's not the MC to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:12pm
I wouldn't want a house anything like mine without a partner, either. But I wouldn't mind a nice little 2BR with concierge service overlooking Boston Harbor with deeded parking...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:14pm

So, you've clarified you can afford additional childcare to cover your former workaholic hours and DH's shifts. And I can't imagine a cleaning service is out of range if you have incomes like that.

But I think the answer to why you are no longer a workaholic has little to do with DH enabling you by providing 100% of the childcare and housekeeping. Instead, you wrote: <>

THIS I understand! You want to be an active part of your children's lives. It has nothing to do with negative consequences or anyone enabling you to be a workaholic. No one was enabling you then or now. Similarly, no one is enabling MyGarnetboy's DH either. What motivates some workaholics is a 7 figure net worth by age 34 and early retirement at a time when it's known that many will never even be able to retire. Basically, I just think it's inaccurate to claim the other spouse is enabling the workaholic. It's a choice one makes with the approval of her spouse. And if the rewards are there in terms of financial compensation, who's to point fingers or lay blame?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:15pm

Me, I'd just settle for the beautifully renovated Art Noveau apartment in the city center within walking distance of all the best shops.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:23pm

"It's not so much that he's unwilling, it's more than I'm unwilling to make him. I'm not sure his career is quite as important as his family to him, but I'm darn sure it's almost as important."


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:49pm

Okay if sah/woh shouldnt be an issue/isnt an issue when dividing up assets, then why the heck did you start talking about the divorce rate in this thread??

Like I've said a few times, you really arent making sense here, and seem to be talking around in circles.

Sure my dad and stepmother were fairly well off, but we are talking upper middle class at best. And the only person who ever pulled a *money card* in that relationship was my stepmother-you know, the sah.

Whether or not a spouse pulls the *money card* really has very little to do with work status. It has to do with how much of a control freak the person is, who handles the finances, and the personality dynamic within the marriage. Sah/woh isnt the issue, and you've gotten so far off base its kind of perplexing. And I have to wonder-is it simply because you've experienced it yourself that you are so insistant that it *must* be a factor in most marriages, and that anyone who hasnt experienced it is lying or delusional?




Edited 5/9/2006 10:23 pm ET by djknappsak

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:55pm

Thats a pretty rotten thing for your dh to say!!

It sure wouldnt shut me right up. My first response would probably be "Go for it babe. You wouldnt last a day."

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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