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| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm |
For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.
I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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"You want to be an active part of your children's lives. It has nothing to do with negative consequences" Don't you think there would be negative consequences for a parent if they were NOT active in their kids' lives? I do. Parenting in a way that is best for my kids is a HUGE motivator for me.
"Basically, I just think it's inaccurate to claim the other spouse is enabling the workaholic. It's a choice one makes with the approval of her spouse. And if the rewards are there in terms of financial compensation, who's to point fingers or lay blame?"
Sure, big bucks make it "worth it" to some (but certainly not to everyone). Again, like I said in an earlier point, the same work habits would not be tolerated if the spouse was only making $50k a year. The SAHP would probably be demanding the WOHP take a larger role in the parenting. Be home more. Help with housework. Improve the family schedule so the SAHP might also be able to WOH. Basically, the SAHP would be more likely to let consequences fall (or exert some).
I'm just not that impressed with money. Families of all income levels achieve financial security (which means different things to different people), it is not limited to those with 7-figure incomes. And plenty of families with large incomes have equally large debts or poor planning. Money is no guarantee so it is certainly not worth sacrificing one parent to achieve more of it. IMO, clearly.
"And if the rewards are there in terms of financial compensation, who's to point fingers or lay blame"
And do you think there are no negative consequences of one parent working 90 hours a week that even money cannot compensate for?
Who said anything about a seven figure income? I said we have a seven figure net worth. You do know the difference between INCOME and NET WORTH, right?
DH makes a nice living, but our net worth is largely the result of smart saving, smart investing, and living well below our means in order to do that investing and saving. The book The Millionaire Next Door has guiding our financial lives from the beginning of our marriage. I've mentioned before that DH's car has 200k miles on it...we live in a lovely home, but it's certainly not where we would live if we were paycheck to paycheck kind of people, spending every dime he makes to finance some ridiculously overblown lifestyle. That's not how we choose to live.
I don't see how anyone could argue w/financial independence at ages 30 and 34, particularly when our child is a normal, happy kid.
Sleep is also the thing my DH sacrifices. He gets 5-6 hrs a night and will go into the office early to come home earlier. But in his business, nighttime appts w/clients are a must. He has to meet his clients when it is convenient for them and many times, that means after work (for the client). But days he doesn't have evening appts. he's home by 6:30 or 7."
Yes me too. Days I don't have to be in late I'm either done (working from home) by 5.30 p.m. or done by 6.30 p.m. when I commute. But days I have to do early and late I'm often not home from 7 a.m. to 9 or 10 p.m.
He had the best year of his life last year and is on target to top that this year. His relationship w/DS is a beautiful thing. I just don't get what all the fuss is about."
Me too on both accounts.
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Who says DH isn't ACTIVE in DH's life? He's coaching his T-ball team right now. Put together a playsystem in the backyard for him on Sunday...enjoys playing sports w/him in the backyard after work while I prepare dinner...why do you think his hours preclude him from being active in DS's life?
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What if the SAHP doesn't want to work? It doesn't make financial sense for me to work as all it would do is increase our tax burden and stress level. I didn't enjoy working or having a career. I enjoy being home caring for my house and family tremendously. I don't want help w/the housework--I like doing it myself. DH enjoys his job. And he does share in the parenting. When he's home, he's out back playing w/DS. Or giving him a bath and putting him to bed. Like I said earlier, when he's here, he's 100% engaged. You're making all these assumptions about our lifestyle based on a number of hrs my DH works. But you aren't familiar w/the family or actual life we lead.
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You're right about some families w/large incomes having large debts and poor planning. DH has clients who make over 1/2 a mil a year and their net worth is basicially nil. They spend every dime they make and will work until they die. And FWIW--I think they work longer hours than my DH. They're friends of the family and frustrate DH no end. As I pointed out in my previous post, we don't live like that.
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No guarantee of what? Our financial future is secure. DH could quit work tomorrow and we'd be fine. Catastrophic illness? Disability? Death? We're covered. Money may not buy happiness, but it sure as hell makes life a lot easier. And who is sacrificing a parent? I haven't fed DH to the lions or burned him at the stake. He enjoys his job. He is good at what he does and he likes doing it. How exactly is letting someone succeed in their career sacrificing a parent?
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Obviously you do...so why don't you share what those consequences are, since I'm yet to see them in my own family.
Interesting you should describe my setup as a partnership, since another poster says it's not. For myself, I'm not wild about the word partnership as applied to marriage anyway, so I'm not really sure.
But as to the MC... if his use of the MC puts me into a quandary, and I in effect let him use it, does that make it any less the MC? Isn't that what the MC is, something that forces a choice? That puts me in the position of having to make a choice?
Like I said, I can make him change his working life, but only at the risk of breaking his heart, so to speak, and/or watching him pout for the next 40 years or so. I'm exaggerating, though; it would really be only a few years, since my younger DD is already 13, and it won't be long before we're both in a position to do whatever the heck we want wrt work.
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If you think I'm confused, that makes 2 of us. What does sah/woh have to do with the divorce rate? It's about marriage and partnership and income, not sah/woh.
I understand it was your sah stepmother who pulled the MC. I'm suggesting she might be unusual, and that it's more often the dh who holds or uses the MC.
And to add to the confusion, you're claiming I'm talking about "most", etc., which I'm not . Not "most", not "must", not "lying or delusional", and not sah/woh, either. Those are all your own spin.
i think you're taking jenn's threads far too personal,mgb. i don't think she's forcing you to believe a 90 hour work week doesn't work moreso than just arguing what is important to her in her world......after all,her dh is a cop who probably puts in as many if not more hours than your dh. (see thread below in qotw folder).
it sounds like this *arrangement* works perfectly in your world and that's great. honestly,i am surprised there's not one ache though about it.....but heck,maybe that's because you can count on family when dh isn't around. i'm on the opposite side of that as when dh works crazy hours and nobody is around, it down right stinks! no pretending it doesn't because it does.
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