For SAHM's.

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
For SAHM's.
1137
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm

For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.

I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:02am

Oh I think all marriages have negotiations involved. It's the forthrightness that I'm talking about.

No one likes being manipulated.

Overall, I do think the MC exists, but is not necessarily meaningful - to all people. A lot of folks don't *care* all that much about what it represents. On the other hand, the Emotional Support Card, or Childcare Card, or Someone Actually Loves My Sorry $ss card, may mean a lot more.

And the cards shuffle and change frequently.

The MC is always there, though. A lot of the other ones depend on it.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:03am

Yep - I agree with everything you said. A few years ago there was a terrible flood in our area and all the cops worked 12 hours shifts with not days off for several weeks. After a phone call at 3 am, DH left and I saw him only briefly and the kid almost none for over 3 weeks. It was rotten and stressful. Our kids missed him - but then again, they are used to spending large amounts of time with him.

Life happens. Sometimes parents have to work or be away. But I would not choose that kind of arrangement on a permanent basis, no matter the salary involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:04am
That's a lower card; both partners lose out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:05am
I have one. DH and I are both grownups and we don't do the manipulation/subtle engineering thing with each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:06am

My kids are 11 and nearly 8. I have been at home with them their entire lives (sometimes working, sometimes not). Of the myriad of things they want to be when they grow up - including hot dog salesman, paleontologist, nurse, optometrist, horse trainer and ventriloquist - they have never said "I want to stay at home just like you". We have always told the kids that they can be anything they want to be, and they believe us. They are certainly aware that some "mommies" work - they certainly don't have to look very hard to see their teachers, their friends' moms, their relatives, the dentist all working.

I don't understand how it could even be possible to think that simply because *I* don't work out of the home, the kids would think that no moms work outside of the home. That's ludicrous.

Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:06am
And just to set the record straight - I had all three kids as a postdoc and was making less than 40k a year. So, no, nannies and housecleaners were not givens at all. I did not start making more money than DH until after all our kids were born. Probably another factor in why we have taken on more equal roles WRT our kids and our work habits. There was not a huge difference in our salaries in the early years to make one person's time at work "worth" more than the other's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:29am

I don't understand. Are you saying that if you divorced, he would get the house? Why? I would think that the more realistic division would be the house would get sold and the money divided between you. If neither of you get the house, how is that the money card?

I guess that I don't get it the whole money card thing. For all of our married life, I've either made similar amount of money or more than dh did. For the very few years in which I was a true sahm, I still handled all the money and, to bottom line it, told dh what he could spend of his paycheck. So, if I'm understanding the concept, I've always held the money card even though I didn't always make the lion's share of the money. And right now, if we got a divorce, neither one of us would be able to live on just our individual paychecks even with child support.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:35am

Yep, one can't have it both ways. Oh, I have the workaholic dh too, and is he an involved father? Sure, he is as involved as any guy who works 60 hours plus and travels three to four times a month. Is he as involved as the guy who puts in his 40 and is home the rest of the time? Nope, and that's the trade-off we have agreed too (not without occasional reservations from both of us). I'd be lying if I tried to portray my dh as being as involved in parenting as the guy down the street (who is semi-retired, and is basically home all the time).

Isn't it funny how on the internet the most involved dads are the same one's who work tons of hours? Odd, isn't it? Of course, IRL we know the real story.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:39am

So how do you resolve issues in certain situations?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 11:40am
Why are you so jealous of me? You don't even know me.

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