For SAHM's.

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
For SAHM's.
1137
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm

For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.

I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:21pm

DH doesn't know the cost of a lot of things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:22pm

Dh just loves our house; if we divorced, he might want to buy me out and keep it. I couldn't carry it by myself, but he probably could. That could be the money card. If we did sell, I'd end up much poorer than he; that could also be the money card, depending on how you look at it and all the particulars.

If dual WOHPs have roughly equivalent income, it's much less likely that there's a money card involved.

But it's still possible to imagine the money card being played, even in your situation, if one or the other of you were so inclined.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:26pm

How is giving 900% more than one person considers reasonable not at the expense of the family? I mean, you could have an arrangement where both of you spend a certain amount of what you make without consulting the other, in which case why would you even have discussions about how you spend your portion? But if you are hiding what things cost from him in order to avoid arguments, then that's a whole 'nother thing. No wonder you are concerned about power dynamics in the relationship.

Manipulation is a form of psychological warfare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:34pm

Oh boy, you just described us!!! We still have no pendant lighting (though we have the track LOL) in our kitchen, and no fireplace surround (it's just a cutout in the drywall right now)....precisely because we can't agree on one. It's been oh... 5 years now.

We both have veto power, meaning, if we can't agree - we just don't do *it* whatever *it* is.

It doesn't happen with the really important things in life, though. We also share a common set of values, just very different styles.

Maybe it's easier for us because we really don't have that much $$$ after all our maintenance issues are dealt with. Our poor oven (at least 20 years old) died a slow death, and took 2 hours to cook a small meatloaf last night. Of course, the door is held shut with a wrench LOL. See? No arguing. There's our next expenditure.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:39pm
Can't people discuss how they spend their money while not discussing whether or not they spend it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:44pm
I'm not following you. Do you mean that she says, "I want to give a thousand dollars to the Humane Society" and he says, "No, it would be better to give one hundred," but he knows full well that she's going to give whatever she wants because it's her money and they have an arrangement where she gets to do whatever she wants with her money, then sure. They can discuss it, though why they would more than once unless at least one of them thrives on being aggravated is beyond me. But if they discuss it, and she says she's giving a thousand, and he says a hundred would be more appropriate, and she gives a thousand without the agreement that it's her money and she can do whatever she wants, that's not equal partnership. That's one partner pulling one over on the other.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:44pm

I think that's more the risk of earning less than your spouse (or deciding to sah). It's the practicality of choosing a field where you don't make the big bucks, which applies whether you're married or not. To me, the money card is one partner being more powerful or acting like he's more powerful in the marriage because he earns more. I think you and I are using the "money card" differently here.

Divorce pretty much sucks for everybody though. Men come out better than women, but they lose financially too, especially in a community property state.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:51pm

"How is giving 900% more than one person considers reasonable not at the expense of the family?"


Because everyone is sheltered, clothed and fed, and DH gets to spend his hundreds of dollars on his bicycling stuff.


"I mean, you could have an arrangement where both of you spend a certain amount of what you make without consulting the other, in which case why would you even have discussions about how you spend your portion?"


We do, but it's only up to $250.


"But if you are hiding what things cost from him in order to avoid arguments, then that's a whole 'nother thing."


If he asked or showed the slightest interest in finding out, I'd give him all the data.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:57pm

Yes, I did mean the former situation and not the latter. But sometimes we're undecided about what to do and need to discuss it, even ad nauseam, to help us resolve it. Just a few weeks ago, dh announced he's getting a membership at the fancy new gym near his work, one that I can't get to. WE already have a perfectly good family membership at our local no-frills YMCA, but evidently that's not good enough. He's agonizing over whether to go for the one-year or the three-year membership, but he's dead certain he's doing it one way or the other.

Agreed, though, that if the deal is that a couple discuss and agree upon, say, all expenditures over $100.00, then that needs to be respected.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:57pm
Yes, but the issue is that *going forward* you're no longer married and thereore no longer entitled to a share of his salary in future. You should certainly get an equal share of assets earned during the marriage, but once you divorce, you're on your own income-wise (other than child support). If he has greater income potential, he'll come out ahead.

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