For SAHM's.

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
For SAHM's.
1137
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm

For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.

I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:35pm
mine is like that,unless of course it's a big ticket item.....he does have his little annoyances with my buys sometimes though. i.e. why i buy a jar of peanut butter when we've already got 3,4 jars already in the pantry. i'm a sale snob to no end.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:36pm

<< I've been very general in my comments...>> General or pointed, it's undeniable you've alleged that there can be no workaholic spouse without an enabling spouse.

Unless you have something more to add, I wasn't convinced a man with a 7 figure net worth at age 34 who can retire in 10 yrs if he so chooses is a workaholic. I agree with you there that MYGboy has a different definition of "workaholic" ~ though I demonstrated that I would say the same about you since you turned off your addiction like a light switch when kids came into the picture. That's not possible with an addiction.

The only workaholics I've "seen" here are your colleagues working 12 hour days when they could be working 8 hours like you, and without any improvement in employment status or financial remuneration. That's a workaholic. That's just plain stupid! But again, whether you're general or specific, you haven't explained how anyone can "enable" a workaholic, give her work where there is none, etc.

I know when I worked long hours both weekdays and weekends in the Big City, no one could have enabled me to do what I didn't want to do. Nor could anyone make work for me where there was not legitimate work to be done or give me the bonus I got every year as a result of working longer hours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:41pm
My husband doesn't get paid more for working seven days a week when he could be working five, or working twelve months a year when he could be working ten or eleven. It's just that nothing else in life gives him such pleasure or reward. He does very creative, engaging work that honestly gives him a "high." Maybe he is something of an addict. Sort of like a runner's high. Whatever it is, he's not going to stop and I don't really want him to.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:42pm
I didn't see tinderbox's post about who gets up at night, but again, I find it interesting that you and sabina see who gets up at night as the money card. To me, that's just the practicality of having a sahm--you can sleep in or nap when the baby's napping, but the working parent can't. My dh got up with our kids at night because he wanted to, but if he didn't want to because he had to get up at 6 to go to work, I wouldn't have seen that as playing the money card.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:48pm
I got up at night with the kids because even though DH could sometimes soothe them back to sleep for an hour or so, ultimately what they were crying for was something I had readily available and he didn't. It was a case of DH get up three times or me get up once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:50pm

"General or pointed, it's undeniable you've alleged that there can be no workaholic spouse without an enabling spouse."

How common it is, really, for one spouse to be an addict of any kind without the other spouse being an enabler? Honestly? I don't know the 12-step stats on the subject, but I am all too familiar with enablers and addicts from my own and DH's families.

"Unless you have something more to add, I wasn't convinced a man with a 7 figure net worth at age 34 who can retire in 10 yrs if he so chooses is a workaholic."

It would depend on the man, I agree. but since mgb SAID her DH was a workaholic, it is not as I applied the term indescriminately or based only on the number of hours he supposedly works.

"But again, whether you're general or specific, you haven't explained how anyone can "enable" a workaholic, give her work where there is none, etc."

Actually, i've answered both of those questions in two posts. If you did now understand or disagre, feel free to discuss it. but I *have* explained.

"I know when I worked long hours both weekdays and weekends in the Big City, no one could have enabled me to do what I didn't want to do."

There is an element of choice in most addictions, too. Alcoholics like alcohol. And they cannot control their limits. No one forces them to take that first drink - they choose to. The problem arises with the inability to set and maintain healthy limits.

"Nor could anyone make work for me where there was not legitimate work to be done"
And, as I explained, in plenty of jobs there is NEVER a shortage of work. There is literally always something that can be done when you create your own work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:52pm
Because we haven't had the right kind of conflict yet. And of course imo the money card has long existed between us and has influenced how we stand now.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:55pm

I'm not suggesting they can. Just saying that's one of the practicalities of living in a big house in the burbs in Boston. It takes two incomes. That's not about the money card, imo--it's about housing prices in big cities.

And while I'm not in Boston, I don't live in a low cost area either. Most people here can't do what we've done, at least not unless they've been in the market awhile, but we're not privileged. I just happened to buy a house 14 years ago in a neighborhood that we still love, and we've purposely chosen not to scale up until now. We don't have a big 4BR house in the suburbs, and I'm sure you would find our house way too small.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:55pm

"He'll come out ahead, and while we're together, that's the money card in its *latent phase*. I have more to lose than he in the event of divorce, and our mutual awareness of that constitutes the card, even if the card isn't ever actually played. The only way for me to avoid that would be to make sure I earn enough not to care about it."


See you may have more MONEY to lose in the divorce, but he probably has more FAMILY to lose in the divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:00pm
Sometimes, "The more you spend, the more you save" really is true, especially with things like peanut butter. My girls adore peanut butter!

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