For SAHM's.

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
For SAHM's.
1137
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm

For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.

I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:44pm
It makes sense to me that financial equality in marriage is a more sensitive issue for people who've had certain experiences in childhood. But as someone who didn't have those experiences, and who also chose a lucrative field, I see the money card in a different way from what sabina's talking about. To me, the money card is when one person makes the decisions or believes he has the right to make the decisions because he makes more money. And a lot of what I'm hearing here sounds more like fear of the money card being played, or the desire to play the money card oneself, than it does the card actually being played by a spouse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:47pm
Yes, I'm the one who is most able to play the money card in my marriage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:50pm
The backstory on this is that my DH refused to get up with ds #1 while I was on maternity leave and I almost ended up hospitalized due to exhaustion. I couldn't "sleep in or nap while the baby's napping."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:52pm
Unless a couple has unlimited childcare available to them, if one spouse is a workaholic, the other one has to be an enabler.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:53pm

No, I hear a lot more often "I want to be a teacher so I can be home with my kids" or "I want to be a teacher so I have the same schedule as my kid" than "I want to be a teacher to make a difference in the next generation".

I don't think being in a low wage job in of itself is bad - actually, I tend to think our society doesn't value social/care positions ENOUGH. My DH worked a low wage but unique job for 12 years before he met me, and through the early years of our marriage. When it came time to have a family, HE was the one who came to the realization that it wouldn't be enough - even though I made a very good income. He has since somewhat succesfully upgraded (he now commands about twice his previous income - even though it's in contract positions).

How many women do that, instead of scale BACK? Why do you think that is?

Mondo

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:56pm
Da&n straight to your last paragraph.

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Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:57pm
Oh, no wonder you didn't like the infant part. If I'd been working when ours were babies, I would have felt that dh should share the nighttime stuff too. I was lucky that he wanted to help at night anyway, but I would have understood if he didn't want to, since I was at home and really could sleep in or nap during the day.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:59pm
But in that case, you don't really need to play the money card. He doesn't pay any attention to finances anyway, so even if you made less money, or you weren't even working, you'd be controlling that. It sounds like it's more about how *you* would feel about spending money if you weren't woh than how your dh would feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 3:00pm

"If I'd been working when ours were babies, I would have felt that dh should share the nighttime stuff too."


The problem though was when I was a "temporary SAHM" on maternity leave, and not WOH. Once I went back to the office, I demanded that he get up half of the nights and he did.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 3:00pm

"No, I hear a lot more often "I want to be a teacher so I can be home with my kids" or "I want to be a teacher so I have the same schedule as my kid" than "I want to be a teacher to make a difference in the next generation".

Since I entered the teaching field before I had children, the latter was true for me. Now, that point is moot, since I'm not in that field anymore.

Why did you scale back and not let DH scale back?

Vikki

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