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| Mon, 05-01-2006 - 5:18pm |
For all the stay at home moms, yes I'm one of them. I have one question, do you plan on going back to work once all of your children are in Elementary school? Or do you like staying at home and have decided to never work again? I am just curious, my husband and I have talked about it. I am mainly home just for my kids, to be here when they come home from school is nice, but, I tend to get bored easly, so I have decided once my 3 year old enters into Elementary school, I will be going back to work. I have thought and thought about this, my husband is fine if I decide not to work or if I decide to go back and work. We are financially stable so I can choose to stay home if I want. I would be working so i won't be bored, while the kids are at school all day long. I do plan on working part time, so i can be home when they get home from school. I'm not the type to sit around and do nothing all day, right now my kids are home half the day at least my 5 year old is, so I have her, and my youngest to be home for. I just can't envision myself sitting here all day long with no children around, going gee what do i do now, ain't gonna happen.
I'm done rambling, waiting for replies!!!!

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Why can't you say that someone pressured you into making a choice if that's the case? I know of at least one woman with career goals that she hesitates to try to achieve because her husband doesn't support her. Her husband is worth more than the career goal to her, so she settles for a different kind of career -- but it's not a choice she would make without pressure from him.
I don't know why women as a whole "need" to do anything. I support freely made choices, but at the same time, am working toward making sure that men and women both have as much opportunity to make choices and not "settle" for things because of economics or gender or any other factor that shouldn't play into it.
But it just makes sense in our case for me to SAH. Personally, I enjoy it and DH wouldn't. He makes waaaaay more money than I do/did, so economically, it works out as well. I wanted to be home as much as he wanted me there, maybe more. I'm very much a perfectionist about the house. All other things being equal (say I made what DH makes and he wanted to SAH), I would not be happy w/him taking care of the house. Ever see the episode of Friends where Chandler hires a cleaning lady for Monica (trying to be nice) and she goes nuts on him b/c she cleans better than the cleaning lady? That's me. If I were a Friend, I'd be Monica. The hyperactive/hypercritical perfectionism? Always use a coaster? That's me.
My DH is so not one of those execs...his boss is, a few of his co-workers are and I hate them...but that's not my DH. He's the office nice guy. Too nice sometimes. You know that saying about you can take the boy out of his hometown but you can't take the hometown out of the boy? That's DH. He's a small town guy at heart. And he's so not one of those big pigs looking for eye candy. That's just not him. Not that he doesn't make me feel pretty (hell, I've been gaining weight thanks to the fertility stuff and he keeps insisting I look better than ever), but he makes it very clear that he didn't marry me for my looks, he married me for my mind. He very much wanted an equal partner. And we are equal partners. I take care of the house and the bulk of child care, he takes care of our income/finances.
I know it wouldn't work for everyone, but it really works for us.
It's not a matter of control.
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I'm missing something. "DH and I both knew we wanted me to SAH".
How would she know that if he hadn't said it? Do you think they would have continued dating if she'd said no? (maybe yes, maybe no - the few guys I know who feel strongly about it would never have allowed a competing career).
It's just one of those premarriage things that apparently everyone but me thinks to ask the person they are dating. I think PnJ had a *really* long list LOL.
Either way, there's no automatic assumption he's a jerk. On the contrary, like I said - it works well for both of them. She is well taken care of financially - and she gives him the freedom he wants to work as much as he wants.
My point is that when I hear "I want a SAHW" it bugs me, whereas "it works best for us to have an AHP" doesn't.
Mondo
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Okay--just saw your edit after I replied.
ITA that there are men out there like that. But I'm not married to one. And quite honestly, what DH and I are doing suits us. If he were in charge of the house, we would live in squalor. The man just doesn't see dirt like I do. Not that he won't chip in and help when asked, b/c he will. But he just doesn't have the same standard of cleanliness that I do.
Ditto the exterior of the house. I mulched last weekend. 25 bags of mulch in the landscaping. DH thought I was nuts when I told him how I was spending my Saturday, but when he got home, he realized how much better the landscaping looked. He wouldn't have done anything about it on his own though...
Last week our geriatric beagle had an accident on the landing. DH discovered it when he went downstairs to leave for work. He decided to clean it up since I was still sleeping. God love him, he used LAUNDRY SPOT/STAIN REMOVER on dog piss in the carpet. I've been working on that darn spot for over a week now trying to fix what he did. I've steam cleaned, I've used a bottle and a half of Nature's Miracle...and I'm still not sure we're not going to have to rip that out (thank God it's a small area) and replace it b/c I can't get the piss smell out of our foyer. He had the best intentions and was trying to be nice...but he's just not good at the whole housekeeping thing.
It's not like he's trying to keep me down or inferior to him...this arrangement just plays to BOTH our strengths, which IMO, is the ideal situation.
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LOL, you're too funny.
Seriously, there is no need to justify this, it works for you. And your DH does sound like a genuinely nice guy. Just because a situation has the POTENTIAL to be untoward, doesn't mean it IS. or ever WILL BE.
Mondo
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