SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:12pm

yup.

its not that he doesn't do a good job...i always encourage him to do well, no matter what the job is. i make sure he knows that i am proud of him for it. but he also knows that its not like he's doing anything that would require pampering, extra rest, or special treatment. if he wereworking 60 hours a week, or dealing with a very stressful job it would be different. but lets face it, a 16 year old could fill his position.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:17pm
I never said I do everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:20pm
Some women don't clean either. My mil lived like a slob (still does) so that is what my dh was used to. He has gotten alot better over the years but if I didn't pick up most of the time, the house would be a disaster.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:20pm
He will make breakfast once a week and maybe once a month dinner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:21pm
Why wouldn't you do the shopping if you were a WOHM?? I LOVE to go clothes and food shopping. I do it every week and enjoy my hour (usually) by myself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:31pm
fair enough. but i still think if someone never cooks for themselves, never grocery shops, and pays someone to do their laundry because they don't feel like going to the laudnry mat is a tad on the lazy side.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:35pm

***Why wouldn't he go to the grocery store if you both WOH? I doubt he's that incompetent.***

I think we are on different situations here. What I mean by this is that if I WOHFT he would do these things. I am using the theory of us not having children. I wouldn't be a SAHM if we didn't have kids. If we both WOHFT he would grocery shop. However I wouldn't (unless something happened and I had to)WOHFT while our children are small.

***LOL. That's hilarious. I wish I could pay someone to do everything I didn't want to do.***

Yeah me too. He couldn't be bothered to do laundry. It cracked me up when we dated when I saw him pick up his laundry. I was floored. Although I understood it. He is a cop, and he worked off duty at the apartment complex he lived in. So he didn't have to pay rent but had no washer hook up. So he paid someone else to do it.

***So if you both WOH, he would pay someone to do all of the things you didn't do?***

If we both WOHFT we wouldn't have children. So I can't really answer your question here. I wouldn't be a SAHM if we didn't have children.

***You have previously said that if you both WOH you wouldn't do 100% of the housework and childcare.***

Yes that is correct.

***So would he "hire out" his half?***

No because we wouldn't have children. I wouldn't be a SAHM. We would split the household things that need to be done.

***Has he ever taken care of himself and done regular adult things like his own laundry, grocery shopping and cooking?***

So cooking, cleaning, and laundry are adult things? I think making sure these things get down are adult. Not whether you do them or not.

*** You're making him sound quite incompetent and lazy and I doubt he's *that* incompetent and lazy...****

No he isn't lazy. I SAH and care for our children and do all the things around our home. He WOHFT and I WAHFT caring for our home, and our children. IF I WOHFT he would have to help out around this house or yes he would have to pay someone else to do it.

Lets say we both WOHFT.

He would have to pay for childcare.
He would have to either do the work himself or pay someone to do some of the household chores. Whether it be a lawn care service, a maid, or use our local grocery store shopper service. He would also have to take care of his own car.

It is hard to answer the questions you are asking me, because I would not be staying at home if we didn't have kids. So I am not really sure how he would handle the working and household chores split.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:39pm
I didn't say I wouldn't do it. I said that I wouldn't do it ALL. I don't enjoy food shopping. It is a necessity and I try to do it as little as possible. I do enjoy having a clean house, but I don't enjoy cleaning either. It is what I consider part of my job. The only thing my DH does is clean up the dinner dishes most nights. I am upstairs giving the kids their baths, and he just does it. It works well for us. I usually grocery shop alone too. I go in the evenings when he is home and the kiddos are in bed. The grocery store is quiet and I can get in and get out quick!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:43pm
He isn't on the lazy side. He works over 40 hours a week. He is a cop. He also did security work at the apartments he lived in, he also would work off duty jobs. When he was off work he didn't want to worry about doing laundry. He just dropped his stuff off with his uniforms. I don't think it is that unusual that most men that are single eat out most meals. On most of his shifts he ate 2 meals while on duty. It would be senseless to have bread in his kitchen to go bad all the time. He just didn't bother with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:43pm
I do all the dusting, mopping, vaccuming, bathroom cleaning, kitchen cleaning, folding and putting away laundry, alot of the straightening up, most of the cooking, the bills, the food shopping (my choice though-he would do it in second), researching things.
He helps alot with the kids, keeps them entertained, changes diapers, feeds, baths, gets dressed, will help straighten up house, puts in and takes out laundry, helps clean up mess after dinner, he did clean dishes today (amazed me-lol!), mows, edges, cuts down bushes, does 99% of repairs in house, cleans the cars.
I am not saying that he does nothing but more than likely on a Sat. and Sun. morning, the 1st thing he does is plop himself down on the couch for awhile. I am the type that likes to get all my work done first and then play.

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