SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:45pm
I never said that but why would he have to do your stay at home job on his time off? Do you do his job on your time off?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:46pm
I really have nothing to say to this.
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:54pm

You know, you have a point. While I do most of the cleaning here, as I am a part time WAHM and DH does work long hours and I just do not expect him to do half of the cleaning, I DO expect him to pitch in. He puts the kids to bed and supervises baths and their room clean-up before bed. He also cooks a few times a week and at least once on weekends.

I just do not *get* when both parents WOHM, yet the woman is still stuck with the brunt of the housework. My grandmother put up with the same thing. She worked fulltime, as did Grandpa, but he acted like his arm would fall off if he washed dishes. That is complete and utter BS, IMO. And believe me, she was NOT happy with it.

What are we teaching our sons and daughters, but particularly sons, if all Dad does is sit and get waited on, while Mom WOH and still does everything else? I do not think that is a good example for children. Some ladies MAY have married "lazy" men, but that does not mean an old dog cannot learn a new trick or two. I can't understand why a man would have to be ASKED to do something. Seems like "selective" sight to me, if you cannot see that the floor is dirty or the dishes are piled up. But heck, why should they be expected to pull their fair share? The payoff is too good NOT to.

But, this is just the opinion of one woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:56pm
His list sounds like my dh's list... LOL. (And I SAH) I just think it's kind of strange for you to say that what mgb does is "not right", when you are doing all that you just listed, even though both of you WOHFT. I mean, you can do whatever you want, but calling her situation unequitable or unfair is the purest form of irony.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 8:59pm
Personally, watching the kids, feeding the kids, bathing the kids, putting the kids to bed... I call that parenting, and is any parent's responsibility regardless of work status, IMO. It is especially important for a WOHP to do those things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:00pm

he isn't doing "my" job when he's off. he's fullfilling his responsabilities as a husband and a father, when he's not working just as i am fullfilling my repsonsabilities as a wife and mother when i'm "not working".

we treat my staying at home as a full time job. if he works a 8 hour shift, i'm working an 8 hour shift. if he works 40 hours a week, i'm working 40 hours a week. when we are both done with our offical jobs, we split the difference.

why does a SAHP need to be "on" 24 hours a day? that is no where even close to being reasonable. just because my job, as a SAHP resides in the home, doesn't mean that splitting the difference after work is doing *my* job. and just because he works 40 hours a week it doesn't mean that he shouldn't do anything around the house, or for his daughter.

we both made the mess in the house, we both use everything in the house, we both made the baby, therefore it is *our* responsability to take care of it. i'll do the lion's share so he can work FT and not worry about daycare...but i'm not doing all of it, or working 24 hours a day. if i have to do that, then he'd better get another job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:02pm

OK, then why did you ask me?

what does your DH do for a living?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:04pm

i'm with you...for all the work a WOHM does if she's doing everything at home as well, she might as well be a single parent. i mean, aside from the fact that i'm sure she loves her husband, but really after all that, who needs him?

if i treated my DH that way, he would probably have taken the baby and left me. (and vice versa, BTW)

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:06pm
I agree. But, you would be surprised at the men who think they should not even have to do that. My BIL was like that at one time. His wife was a WOHM and he WOH and she had to do everything, including all child care, or it did not get done. At a family reunion, he refused to look after the kids so she could come with us ladies and do crafts and talk, etc. It was pathetic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:21pm
He is in construction.

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