SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:23pm
I asked you because you seem to put down your husband. How much harder is your job at home when you have 1 6-month old, who probably sleeps twice a day AND you have 2 sets of family who live very close to you if you need a break.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:27pm
I never said that but I don't see how a SAHM could possibly ask their dh to do something like clean the bathrooms or cook dinner when they are home 7 days a week to do this. I never said the dh should not help out but to expect them to do a big job in the house that the wife could do is not right.
Example: my dh's cousin stayed home with her 4 year old. They both slept to 8:30am every morning. He worked fulltime 5 days a week. When they had a party at their house, HE cleaned the bathroom. Why? What was she doing in those 5 days, 8 hours a day that she could not get her house ready for a party?
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:36pm

Maybe he peed on the seat and on the floor around the toilet? LOL!

Seriously though, what difference does it make? Where is it written that a man cannot clean the bathroom every now and then? Maybe she was busy with other things that week. And how did you know about that anyway, if I may ask? I really really hope a grown man would not whine about cleaning a flipping bathroom?

I am to the point, quite frankly, where I am no longer going to clean the main bathroom. My sons and my husband just cannot hit the damn hole and I am tired of cleaning up pee. I have taught my 8 yr old to wipe the seat and damp swiffer mop around the toilet. DH cleans it once a week. I use the bathroom in our bedroom and I keep that clean. I think it is fair.




Edited 6/28/2006 9:37 pm ET by mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:38pm
LOL!! No, I have never had a problem with that or the seat up-Thanks Goodness!! We only have one bathroom so I have no problem cleaning it. It doesn't take too long and it is not tremendously large.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:44pm
She possibly did clean the bathroom sometime during those 5 days and it got dirty again. Cleaning for guests generally means last minute cleaning. While he was cleaning the bathroom she was probably doing other last minute type stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:51pm

now thats a physically demanding job (and if he's an engineer, most certainly a mentally demanding job).

when my DH was in construction, and he came home and said "man i'm tired" i believed him. and i treated him with all sorts of special things like massages to help relax him. i respected not so much the job per se, but his right to complain and/ or express how hard his day was.

but when you start talking about a job where he stands around all day doing nothing...i don't want to hear about how "tired" he is. tired from what exactly? reading forbes magazine?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:53pm
I seriously doubt that. She did not do much around the house. When he was home on the weekends, he always had little "chores" to do. He wasn't even allowed to run to the store with my dh for an hour. What she did in the 8 hours that he worked, I have no clue. She did go and visit her mom a couple times a week though!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:56pm
He might not have a physically demanding job but standing around all day is not a picnic either. My dh is not an engineer but when the slow season comes and he had to sit around all day (sounds like a great day to me when I am overwhelmed at work!) reading the paper and magazines, he hated it. He was tired just from doing nothing.
I guess my whole point is that you should respect your spouse no matter if his or your job is more physically demanding. You should not put him down for what he does, because basically, if you don't work, he is the one paying the bills.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:56pm

i do put down my husband, and for good reason. he has done some very very nasty things in the last 7 months that made me lose all respect for him. (actually, he's lucky he still has his testicles). prior to 4 months ago he was unemployed doing teh SAHD thing, and i was working 70 hours a week plus travel time. and he still expected me to do everything, but watch the baby while i was at work. after four weeks he decided staying at home was too hard, and opted to get employed, and fast.

he didn't cook, he didn't clean, didn't do laundry, didn't pay the bills, ruined the finances, and the worst part, the part that made me livid, he screwed up the baby. he wouldn't put her to bed..or pay attention to her. she became so chronically over tired she physically in pain. he even forgot to FEED HER. and thats not even the kicker.

the bastard had been cheating on me and i found out.

respect my husband? not on your life. he's got a lot of work to do before he gets back into my good graces.

ETA, my baby does not take two naps a day. she takes one if i'm lucky. she is an extremely active baby. so much so that she wore out my mother, my step father, my two brothers, and his fiancee in one swoop. they called me to take her back because they couldn't handle her. i no longer speak to my inlaws as they are total and complete whackjobs of the first degree. i rarely have a babysitter, or someone to help me. my mother will watch her, so long as i'm there to giver her a break. which isn't really a break for me LOL.

and if you read the post (which i think started your questioning of my respect for my DH) you will see the list of responsabilities i have, every day and every week.

i take care of EVERYTHING but the income. my DH is only now understanding what i mean when i say we need to share the responsability after we get out of work.

i was working 24 hours a day, when the baby was still waking up every two or so hours (and she still wakes up a lot, night terrors). i take care of legal and financial matters, of which we have A LOT. (two possible lawsuits in the works, one already settled) i'm the one who has been doing all of the leg work for this, all of the research, and all of the pushing. along with normal household chores that is.

the only thing i don't do, is bring in the income, and iron his shirts.




Edited 6/28/2006 10:12 pm ET by monarchangel007
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:05pm

she could possibly have been doing all the cooking for the party. who cleaned the rest of the house for the party? who planned the party? who was watching the baby while all the preperations where being made for the party?

why can't a husband clean the bathroom once in a while, is that really too much to ask?

the working parent should not do things around the house as a "favor" for the SAHP. helping in the upkeep of the house and the raising of the children isn't a favor, its an obligation. the working parent already does less than 60% of the household chore, and less than 60% of the childcare. they can put 20% into each. they are adults, they chose to have a baby, this is now their responsability too. (20% being half of whats left to do).

its fairly obvious to me that you view the WOHP as having a free pass because they work. anything they choose to do at home is a favor, and should be looked upon with the utmost of gratitude.

we disagree here obviously.

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