SAHM's and Money
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SAHM's and Money
| Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm |
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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But doesn't he respect you enough to TRY to keep the house clean for you?
My DH would live in utter filth b/c it just doesn't bother him. Seriously...some of his bachelor pads were down right scary. But since we've married and he realizes how important a clean house is to me, he makes an effort to clean up after himself. Is it up to "my" standards? Goodness, no. But at least he makes the effort...and I've had to learn to let some things go as well. If his briefcase/laptop sit next to the door all weekend, it's really NOT going to cause the end of the world as we know it. Ditto his inability to put his shoes on the shoe rack out in the garage. So I put the shoes there when I trip over them and he knows where to look when he needs them. On the rare occasion that he's the last one out of bed, he'll even make the bed. Not b/c he wants to, if it were up to him, beds would never be made. But he knows that is important to me.
I don't think I could be married to someone who didn't at least make the effort.
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Get back to us on this one when you've got a child old enough to tell you no and refuse to eat.
Seriously. I'm not being condescending, I'm being honest. You try force feeding a toddler in the midst of the terrible twos and let us know how it goes.
Any dietician or ped will tell you that nutrition is best looked at over a week period vs daily anyway. Meaning, the enormous spinach and veggie salad DS ate for dinner Monday night helped balance his fried chicken and fried shrimp dinner (w/no veggies) last night. When DS was your DD's age, I had the nutrition chart on the fridge and checked off all his appropriate servings of food for the pyramid. That changed when he got old enough to express an opinion on the food I was serving to him. Now the rule is, if you don't like what I serve, you try one bite and then you can have a pb&j and an apple.
I'm not going to have a kid with "food issues." I provide healthy snacks (fresh fruit, whole grain crackers and breads, cut up veggies w/low fat dip) and give him lots of choices. But ultimately, you're going to find that you can not force your child to eat and the best thing to do is NOT to let it become a control issue.
Yup. There is a ton of stuff (mixed veggies, for example) that DS would eat as a baby that he won't touch now at age 4. Ate it all the time back then, won't touch it now.
OTOH, he loves spinach salad, so I really can't complain too much.
Maybe she did clean the bathroom while he was at work, but he did it again before the party, to make sure it was decent for company?
Just had to throw that thought out there, because that's what I would have done.
Um, b/c DS is his kid and taking care of bath/bedtime is a good way for the two of them to spend time together? I think it would be insane if I didn't expect him to help with the raising of our son just b/c I SAH, don't you?
As for the other stuff...he helps around the house b/c he lives here. If I expect my four year old son to pick up after himself (and I do), why wouldn't I expect the same of my thirty four year old DH? SAHM does not = Stay At Home Maid. I take care of the interior maintence of our home b/c that is important to me, but I'm not my boys' maid and they know it.
Moreover, DH is modeling behavior for DS. When DS is all grown up and married, in many ways he will be the husband his father is. DH knows this and is trying to show DS how to be a respectful, loving husband. Or as DH likes to tell DS, "Rule #1 in this house is, if your momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
That's what I was thinking...and expecting DH to help w/DS (by giving him his bath and putting him to bed) is WRONG b/c I SAH? Does that mean working parents should abdicate ALL parental responsibilities to the person who spends the most time w/them?
Not getting it.
I don't think anyone can answer that but your DH's cousin. I do a lot of cleaning while my DS naps. That's usually when bathrooms get cleaned, furniture gets polished & dusted, etc. If DS didn't nap (and lots of 4.5 year olds don't), I would have to clean the house while watching him. And while a 4 year old doesn't need constant supervision like a young toddler, they can't be left unattended too long. If I do need to clean with him around, usually I'll give him a Clorox wipe and let him "clean" too, but it's faster and easier when he's not around.
My DH has had to pinch hit for me when I've been sick or recovering from surgery. He still had to work, but he also had to help out around here. That's just being a family, IMO. If I'm on bedrest, the bathroom and house still needs to be cleaned...and someone has to do it. Since DS can't, that leaves DH.
My DH puts in a lot of hours at his job...but they're not all slaving away behind his desk. Right now he's at the bar w/his boss and a big shot from NYC. Technically he's put in a 15 hour day, but 3 of those hours were at a swanky dinner and then out for drinks. So he's not really working. He's playing, but it IS work-related.
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So? DS and I have lunch w/parents several times a week. I don't know who loves the time together more, DS or my parents.
I'm not sure why you have a problem with this?
You're a strong woman...good for you. I'd like to kick his butt right now and I don't even know him.
But if he ever does that to you again, promise me he'll lose the testicles for good.
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