SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:07am

"you never mentioned cheese, green beans, or apples"

Sure I did, in this post: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=16893.356

"i did however call string cheese crap, as it isn't even real food."

Mozzarella cheese isn't real food?

:::note to self: call the good folks over at POLLY-O and tell them they don't make "real" food:::

BTW, regarding the whole "string cheese" comment: I was using an extreme example to make a point; I have a habit of doing that. Gee, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?

"simply serving yogurt, a sandwhich and there was one other things instead of cooking whole meals is NOT a healthy diet"

Who here has claimed that this is ALL they serve each and every day? Link please.

There seems to be no middle ground with you. Either one's diet consists of (to quote myself) "three nutritious, organic, home-cooked, FDA-certified, pyramid-conscious, recommended daily allowance of all known vitamins and minerals meals a day (plus snacks)" OR a junk-food filled diet consisting mainly of Ho-Ho's, Jolt cola, pork rinds and Sour Patch Kids.

You really have no clue what type or kinds of meals I serve to my family. Instead you make grandiose ASSumptions that if one doesn't follow your own personal dietary guidelines that one is serving their family "crap" for each and every meal (which is a definite "New Mommy" trait that has been seen on the boards many times over, i.e. "I know everything there is to know about everything and if you don't do it my way, you might as well just give your kids up for adoption because you must be a horrible mother").

You might try actually ASKING posters what type of meals they serve; you just might learn something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:24am

You're the one claiming SAHMs don't do anything. Yesterday DS and I drove up to my alma mater (80 mi one way) so that I could help interview a candidate for a position on campus (I do a lot of volunteer work at my alma mater and through my sorority, so this wasn't an unusual request). We left the house around 9:30 and got home around 2:15. DS immediately went down for his nap. I caught up on email (more volunteer stuff), and did some cleaning. I woke DS up from his nap and we got out his wagon, cleaned it w/bleach, packed it and walked to the pool. After an hour and a half there (he played w/his little buddy, I supervised them both as his friend's dad was preoccupied trying to salvage his weekend plans on his cell phone), we headed home. I threw together dinner for us, then after dinner, he watched a bit of Power Rangers. After that, I laced up my sneakers, pulled his stroller off the garage wall, cleaned the cobwebs off of it and settled him in for my nightly walk. We returned an hour later and he went straight into the tub and then we did stories and bedtime. After he was in bed, I blogged a bit, read through this massive thread, and finally went to bed around 12:30. DH still wasn't home. He got home at 2am. That wasn't our typical day, but I wasn't "lazing around" either. My "lazy" time comes when I'm wasting time on this board or blogging, quite honestly.

But more often than not, you'll either find me doing something w/my kid (finger painting, playing ball outside, playing at the park) or cleaning SOMETHING around the house. My DH knows that it isn't the sock fairy putting his clean clothes away, nor is the clean fairy the one wiping his spit off the mirror in the bathroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:34am
I'm sorry, but I'm having trouble understanding how her husband cleaning the bathroom in prep for guests translates into her doing nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:40am
Because what was she doing the entire week or day before that she could not do it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:44am
Honestly, that's none of my business. But just because we don't know what she was doing and the bathroom got cleaned by the husband on the weekend does NOT mean that she was doing nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:44am
I never said that SAHM's do nothing but there are plenty out there that don't know how to handle kids and the house and outside activities. You need to prioritize and organize. I know if I stayed at home all the time, I would have a schedule so I could get everything done.
Just like a SAHM wonders how a WOHM can get out of the house on time everyday, I still struggle with getting ready before 10am when I am home. I seem to keep finding things to do, bills, cleaning, playing with the kids, getting them food, drinks, etc. that it takes me forever to get ready. I am sure if I did this everyday, I would also get into a routine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:47am
Well, from going to their house very often, I can tell you, she was doing nothing. It must be rough waking up at 8:30 every morning with only one child, getting her to 3 hour preschool and doing nothing. I wish I could do that!
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 12:11pm

So don't go to her house. And quite frankly, I think it is disgusting that her husband would complain about her to you or your DH. If he has a problem with her, they should be the ones discussing it.

Don't get me wrong, because if what you say is true, then sure, she should be doing her share, and clean the house to the best of her ability. I still say that a WOHP should not be excused from everything, just because they make the money. My best friend's husband comes home and will pitch in if he sees something that might need attention. Not because she expects it, or he is angry. On the contrary. He told ME that it is HIS house too, and he would not be a decent husband or man, if he did not help to take care of it and his kids. And before you slam my friend, I assure you that she has not one lazy bone in her body. She volunteers at the school several days a week, and is one busy lady. She does the majority of the housecleaning, but her husband does not think he will die if he runs a vacumn every once in awhile. Or if he cooks a dinner or loads the dishwasher, nor does he see her as the slave girl and him the king.

You seem awfully bothered by the fact that the husband cleaned the bathroom, ONCE, for a party. How the heck do you REALLY know what goes on with her? Maybe she is depressed. Maybe she does not know where to start. Maybe she has a different standard of clean, than you do. Maybe her husband, by discussing her with you and probably other people, has her to the point where she thinks, "why bother". You really cannot say you know for sure what goes on in that house.

My point is, there are shades of gray. It is all not black and white. This is coming from a person who has done it all, WOH, SAH, and WAH. So, I see all sides of this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 12:15pm
True, but how much high-effort cooking

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 12:24pm
Think of it as Darwinsim.

 

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