SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 8:08pm
Again downtime. Not really as soon as you sit down it is time to go back either. Again downtime at work isn't a bad thing. I am not really sure why it bothers you so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 8:14pm
Minus travel I only have 40 minutes to eat and go on the computer. Yes, it is downtime but sometimes I go on errands and eat when I come back so I am still going. I do consider that my only "me" time during the week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 8:23pm
I would say that for me and the SAHP that I know...40 is about all they get during the day as well. Really is no different.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:05pm

>>Get back to us on this one when you've got a child old enough to tell you no and refuse to eat.<<

get this: my dd can't chew raw veggies, but she can talk...go figure LOL!

she lets me know when she doesn't like something, believe you me. its just not often that it happens. i can think of a couple of things she doesn't like...raw spinach, black olives...and ice pops. thats about it. she'll also refuse to eat if i try and feed her, she's stubborn and *must* do it herself LOL. fine by me, unless its tomato sauce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:07pm

>>But if he ever does that to you again, promise me he'll lose the testicles for good.<<

you betchya ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:14pm
I guess it all depends on if your child still naps. My son took a 2 hour nap today, with me having to wake him for dinner so that is why I sat down at the computer for awhile. When my dd was young, she used to take 2 (3) hour naps per day-that was 6 hours for me to do things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:14pm

>>Doesn't that bother or depress him?<<

its complicated, because sometimes it does, and other times he feels that even a job like that is too much work.

i used to think it was just laziness and irrisponsability that made him like that. but then he was diagnosed with NPD, and it makes a lot more sense. its like he has arrested development, and often acts like a child would.

so.....i'm hoping with counsiling and therapy he'll be able to motivate himself to go above and beyond himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:17pm

well, its hard to comment on this situation as i really don't know the whole story...i was only giving some possible reasons.

i'm curious as to what you think would be a fair division of the household chores (inside and out...) for a family with a SAHP. doesn't matter what gender stays home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:20pm

>>1st, I am very sorry that you have a bad marriage.
2nd, WHY are you still in this marriage?? This is not healthy for you and your baby. You said you worked before he did so there is no reason why you would have to stay for the money aspect. You CAN do it alone.<<

i opted to give it a second shot...with stipulations....

i have a lot of time invested in my relationship with my DH. we were best friends for ten years before we even began dating. i can't simply walk away from all of that without even trying to mend things first.

if however, the counsliling and such doesn't work, and he can't get his head on straight, i'm out of here. (actually, he'd be out of here because the lease is under my name *oops*! i aint a fool my friend ;))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:24pm
Well since I only know SAHM's and my mom was one, she did all the inside things and my dad did the outside. My dad did not start helping my mom with laundry and starting dinner until she went to work. She did everything and that was what was expected. Not that I think this is all good, as that is why I don't wait on my dh hand and foot like my mom did. That was a generation thing with her, I really think. I do agree though that whoever stays home should be doing the larger bulk of the housework because they are home more than the person working outside of the home.

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