SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:32am
I do not believe it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:33am
I'm sorry to hear about your husband.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:35am
Actually it depends on the day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:40am

Both my kids napped for a total of at least 4 and as much as 6 hours a day between the ages of six months and two years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:41am
Nobody's requiring you to be that busy - it's up to you and your family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:43am

Unless you have 4 children and are homeschooling them all, the SAHP has much less 'work' to do than the average WOHP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:45am
Neither one of mine napped very extensively. Ds was the "better" napper of the two and he managed at most 4 hours per day as an infant and was already down to about 1.5-2 hours per day by the time he was a year old. I remember being awed by a neighbor's child who consistently napped for 3-4 hours at a stretch every afternoon. She spent the time studying. Dd never slept longer than an hour stretch and by the time she was about 1 she only managed 2 short naps per day. Neither one of them ever seemed to need much sleep and ds was long over nap time by the time dd was born.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:48am
Your situation of living far from relatives is common. And women giving birth to multiples are not exempted from this. Some have relatives nearby. Some, like you, don't. If you had no help from relatives, why assume that women with multiples are unlikely to be in the same boat as you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:51am
I think of it more as similar to being self-employed: if one is self-employed, there is no boss requiring a certain number of hours so one could, in theory, put in no work at all. There is, however, a certain number of hours that have to be put into the business to make it successful. The same is true of caring for children for long stretches of time. In theory, one could perfectly well choose to do absolutely nothing more than the bare minimum of providing food. One doesn't even have to provide clean clothing for basic survival. In practice, caring for children does require a certain amount of input beyond the bare minimum requirements. How much input of time and energy is required for a successful situation (however the family has defined it) will depend on the individual child, family and circumstances.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 9:59am

Having done both, I'd say there were plenty of times when I felt far more overwhelmed with work at home...mostly when the kids were very little. Nursing alone in the first few months felt like a round-the-clock job. I have more hectic days sometimes now that I WOH, but I also often have more relaxed days than when the kids were infants and toddlers and I was AH with them.

As for why someone would SAH despite not getting paid, well...there are a myriad of reasons and we've heard about many of them on this board at various times.

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