SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:46pm
Not necessarily but you when I had the 6 hours a day to myself, I didn't do housework the entire time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:47pm
Wow-that did sound confusing-lol!! I think I meant to say I know SAHM's and WOHM's AND my mom was a SAHM. Guess the kids are wearing me out here at home-lol!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:49pm
I guess I don't know everyone, but I go on many other boards and all of those girls had people help them or their dh stayed home for a length of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:55pm

Thank you. I though I was the only one. SAHM's don't want people to know this though, especially their dh's so they can think they had a really hard day when the kids were actually sleeping most of the day. I have 2 kids and even though I wohm, they did this on the weekends and I read their charts everyday. My son will still sleep at almost 3, 2 hours a day at daycare.

This is especially true if you have 1 child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 3:46pm
You are right. Again my particular situation calls for me to be many things during the day. So while they would nap I would be cleaning. That is not downtime at all.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 3:56pm

Standing up all day, even if you don't do anything else, is physically tiring. Dealing with the general public sucks, no matter in what capacity.

I worked retail for years. It's no picnic.

At least your dh is working. That's nothing to belittle. Even if you think his job is stupid. It's honest work and someone thinks it's important enough that they're willing to pay him to do it.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 3:59pm

You have lots of reasons to be mad at your husband, and even some reasons not to respect some things about him. But his job? Not one of them.

I hope you are in counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 4:11pm
I feel the exact way that you do hazeleyes. My mother was also a SAHM and I would see my father giving her "spending money" which I felt was like an "allowance" for the week. And after watching this I decided right than that would not be me. Their was also issues with my father, like when he got mad about something he wouldn't give her any money. And other things like that. But I knew at that moment their was no way I could allow someone having control over me like that. And I hope that my baby girl feels this way too. I not only work full time but I also go to school at nite. 2 nites a week and I want Caitlyn to grow up being that independent person that her mommy is!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 4:22pm
Good for you! My dad never treated my mom that way but I always have this feeling that it is really not your money. The paycheck is not in your name and it was not earned by you. You might have earned the right to have some of it because you are married to the person and you took care of the house and kids, but basically, it is not yours. I know alot of SAHM's get mad at this but this is how I have always felt, way before I was even ready to get married and have kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 4:46pm

And like I said 600 and some odd posts ago, then you must also feel on some level that your children are more YOURS than your DH's since he didn't carry them inside his body for 40 weeks or labor to get them out.

OTOH, my husband and I don't write our names on things acquired during our marriage. The inheritances I received through my side of the family are OURS, not just MINE. Why should his paycheck be any different? Do you look at items purchased in your house as YOURS specificially?

I just don't get your "MINE, MINE, MINE" complex. Of course, I also don't get an allowance from my DH. I clear big purchases with him and he does the same. Otherwise he trusts me enough, since our financial goals are the same, to spend what I need to spend to live our life. Money really isn't an issue for us, period.

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