SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:04pm
You are very lucky that money is not an issue in your marriage. It IS in 99% of marriages. That is why most of them fall apart.
The only things I consider mine are the ones I brought into the marriage. I have always worked so everything we bought together were both of ours because the money came from both of us.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:13pm

My whole argument is that sahps shouldn't have to do everything, she thinks they should."

Odd way of arguing. Given you are saying you do *everything* all the time....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:30pm

What about the kids? Or an inheritance from YOUR side of the family? More yours than his? Or does it belong to both of you, equally?

I bought most of our furniture into the marriage. But it's not MY furniture anymore, it belongs to both of us now. Ditto his paycheck.

I wonder how you would feel if your DH outearned you 2 to 1. Would you only spend a third of the income b/c that's all you provided to the household?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:50pm

Confession: Dh's bachelorhood furniture is HIS! I make no claim on it, nor would I want to. He lived in a NYC apartment that had blood red carpeting, and his living room furniture was black leather. He referred to it as "the whorehouse look".

Said furniture is now relegated to the playroom where the kids may trash it to their heart's content.

Over the past 16 years, I have slowly but surely whittled away all of his pre-marriage belongings. I wait until he takes a business trip, and then I throw away some ghastly item. Usually he never notices, but occasionally he will remark, "Have you seen "X", and of course I play dumb. I'm sure he know what I'm up to, but he's never let on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 5:57pm
Oh brother. Yes, it's true all we lazy sahms are trying to keep the fact that we are lazy from our dhs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 6:00pm
I'll have to let my dh in on how the kids aren't really his since he didn't carry them for nine months, give birth then breastfeed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 6:02pm
That is not what I said at all. You might want to try reading other posts in the thread before you respond next time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 6:30pm
I'd get rid of this guy and fast. Why do you need this in your life?
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 6:49pm

You said your dh helps with the housework, so you don't really do everything that sahms do, at least the ones who manage the household stuff like me."

Its all right there. And I have no time, or interest in reading an entire monster post. Not when I all I needed was in one....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 7:01pm
I disagree. I don't chose how my day will turn out most days. My house either needs to be cleaned or it doesnt. My children are sick or they aren't. I really don't get to chose what the day will be. It sort of choses me.

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