SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:13am

"They all don't require 24-hour assistance like someone with a 3 yr. old and a 1 yr. old. Those moms are the ones who don't get a break because there is no one there to help them during the day."

Someone with a 3yo and a 1yo most certainly does NOT require 24 hour assistance. It might be nice, but it's hardly necessary. Most of my friends have coped with very young children and newborns on their own just fine, even straight after the birth. My MIL did come for 2 weeks when dd was born, but after that I was on my own (truly on my own for a week because dh had a business trip when she was just 4 weeks old and I had a 3 yo who no longer napped to take care of at the same time). I certainly didn't feel heroic, nor did my friends...we all just coped and it wasn't the end of the world. Very few of my friends had help after the birth and none had extended help beyond the first 2-4 weeks, even if they had older children to deal with as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:19am
But this surely depends on the workplace and type of work. Where dh works, lunch hour really is downtime. People turn off their phones, they are not available and they are free to do what they like with that time, be it eating, sleeping, running errands, working out in a gym, shopping etc. I would definitely call that downtime. My lunch break tends not to be downtime because when I'm working from home I am often interrupted in the middle and have to take the call, and when I'm travelling it's usually a working lunch.
Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 6:25am
I agree. I wish I had been lucky enough to have help. But, my DH had to get back to work. I am not complaining. He was there for the births and he did take a few days off. But it would have been nice to have someone help with our other children when I had our third (and last).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:28am
My job is very stressful, alot less since my horrible boss left but we are constantly working. They just keep throwing more work on us and we don't get compensated for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:39am

I have made more money than him for years and he didn't spend any less than now. He has done a few part time jobs over the years to help us pay for things and would never hesitate to get another one if we neeed the money.

My dh is a spender so I totally understand when my parents left some things in my name. Now, today, he would NEVER blow the money but he probably would have had it in his mind when we were young and first met because he was basically taught nothing about money from his mother. Now, we have fixed up the house with the money and he wouldn't have it any other way. We have 1 more thing to do with the money for our house and then it is gone.

I also feel all of the things are ours in the house but we got married young so we had no money and both worked hard to buy everything we have. Alot of people are getting married older now and bring their things into the marriage. I think if I was them, worked my butt off for years to buy my own things, if the marriage dissolved, I would want it back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:42am
That's great. My DH hasn't made any more money because he is a cop. He has moved up the ladder a little faster than most but I think that is because of his own merit. However our marriage is a success because I SAH. I think if we both WOH and it was his day to pick up the kids and ran late at work (as usual) and I had to leave my job I would build a lot of resentment. Also because weekends are not his only days off seeing each other would be difficult. While I know that our situation is ours, it works.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:44am

LMAOROF...I love that scene.

This stupid Roy Rogers, wagon wheel coffee table.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:45am
Money is the top factor in most divorces. That is in every survey taken. The cheating might be the reason they gave but you don't know what happens behind closed doors.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:46am
lololol!!!! My daughter just started waking up later one day. I am crossing my fingers this will happen to my son someday!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:49am
That is interesting.

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