SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:13am

***Didn't you say you have a 17 yr. old? They can't watch the kids when you go out?***

Since you don't have a teenager I can see why you asked this. My 17 yr old is not a babysitter. It isn't her job to care for her brother and sister. She goes to school, she cheers, she works part time. When she is home she is out with her friends or having her time.

***Even when they are both in school, wouldn't you only have 1 child? I have one or both kids with me sometimes. I don't always go by myself.***

Well since you said that you try to go very early in the mornings, and you go when your DH could watch them....I am having a really hard time following you. Yes both of them go to school. I do only have one child. That child will be in 1/2 day preschool this year. I will be volunteering even more than I do now when she goes to preschool. When my DH is home during the week on his days off I spend 4-5 hours volunteering at school. Us SAHM do lots of things ya know.

*** I was saying 12 or more hours, some people don't get up until late, my neighbor gets up at noon on the weekends and has 2 kids.***

I never sleep in. My body clock is set for 6:30am. Some mornings if I am lucky I will snooze until 7am. I am usually up before my children are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:13am
Thank you. I thought I was the only one who went out in 12 foot snow. Yes, I needed to go and was the only one in the store-lol!! I LOVE it like that though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:15am
No one said that you were neglected. However you also said your mother received an allowance. No thanks. As for getting up at 4am...glad that worked for her. My DH is quite capable of getting himself up and getting dressed on his own. He isn't a child and doesn't need me to get up with him and help him get out the door. Again because what worked for your mother doesn't mean it works for YOU or Me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:17am
That might be the case where you live however it isn't the case here. When it is raining or snowing here our children go to this place at school called the gymnasium. They love it. No I don't care to go to the store with 2 children in the rain. Isn't a priority for me. I can always move when I go to the grocery store.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:18am

Food shopping takes 1 hour, once a week (for me at least) and I can't see why arrangements can't be made.

I know plenty of SAHM's volunteer but that does not take 40 hours a week like a normal job, unless you are the president of the PTA. I can easily find the excuse that I work fulltime not to be able to do anything either, but I don't. I get it all done and go over and beyond what I could be doing.

I WISH I was up before my kids-lol!! I would have to get up by 4am then. I can't wait for the day for them to sleep later than me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:20am
ABSOLUTELY. I NEVER get up with my dh to get him ready but that was another generation and that is what women did. They catered to their dh's and she did that for almost 40 years. That is sooooo not me. Of course, if my dh needs something, I will get it for him but I do not wait hand and foot on him like my mom did. Her allowance is what I consider our spending money though. Same as any other SAHM that does not bring in any money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:26am

***I understand not everyone works 9-5 but people who don't, don't just stay home because of that.***

I don't.

*** There are many people out there who will babysit children at odd hours. I see it in the paper all the time. They will work nights and weekends. People who have to work, are able to do it. It just takes a little research.***

I am aware of that. However coming home a couple of nights per week when my children are already in bed isn't ideal to me. When I have the choice not to have that I will chose not to have it. So I did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:27am

Perhaps I should mention that while I live in Sweden, I am actually American and grew up in California. I do happen to know what a gymnasium is :-).

I was simply responding to the "why would I go out in the rain" comment. Many people do run errands in the rain, it's not really self-evident to me that running errands or going shopping in the rain is something best avoided. Heck, even in California it can rain for weeks on end in winter, people still get their grocery shopping done, often with kids in tow.

If you prefer not to, that is naturally up to you to decide and is a perfectly reasonable decision. But I can't see how the presence of rain actively forces you to change any schedule you have made. You simply prefer not to go out in the rain. It would still be possible to schedule a regular schedule for shopping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:30am

My sister has always been a SAHM and while she may not have volunteered 40 hours per week, she volunteered enough at school that she had a very busy schedule indeed. Since her children had (and still have in the case of my niece) a very busy schedule of activities, she was rarely home before 5 or 6pm. Frankly, she's often had a more insane schedule that I ever have, even with WOH.

And yes, she was at one point PTA president. Those two years she probably average well over 40 hours per week on PTA stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:45am

***Food shopping takes 1 hour, once a week (for me at least) and I can't see why arrangements can't be made.***

Arrangements are made. I go every week. Doesn't mean I have a set day as to when I go.

*** I know plenty of SAHM's volunteer but that does not take 40 hours a week like a normal job, unless you are the president of the PTA.****

Again you are leaving a lot of things out. I grocery shop, I clean the house, I mow the grass, I do all the landscaping, I care for my children, I drive them to the places they need to go, I do it all. You add volunteering to that list and I am well over 40 hours per week.

***I can easily find the excuse that I work fulltime not to be able to do anything either, but I don't. I get it all done and go over and beyond what I could be doing.***

Did I ever say I didn't get it all done? I don't think I ever did. I get it all done. Every single thing that needs to be accomplished every single day is done. However I don't expect people to do what I do. Or think I am some martyr because I can get it done. I think everyone has their limits and their abilities. I don't pass judgement on anyone that can't do what I can do and I don't think someone is better because they can do more.

***I WISH I was up before my kids-lol!! I would have to get up by 4am then. I can't wait for the day for them to sleep later than me.***

Your children wake up at 4am?

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