SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:46am

***Same as any other SAHM that does not bring in any money.***

I don't get an allowance. I spend the money in our account however and whenever I like. It is our account and our money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:48am
I never said no one else shouldn't go shopping in the rain. That is a personal choice as to when to go, how to go, and where to go shopping. I chose to avoid going grocery shopping for a family of five in the rain with children in tow. It is not for me. You don't have to understand it because it isn't something that you have to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 10:19am

I'm sorry if I misunderstood the first statement you made to the effective of "why would I go shopping in the rain" (or something like that). I interpreted that statement to mean that you thought it would be simply silly for anyone to go shopping in the rain and that most people wouldn't given the choice. I can understand that a particular person might not choose to shop in the rain. I didn't understand why it should be self-evident that most people would automatically choose to not to do it given the choice. I might have misundertood what you meant.

"You don't have to understand it because it isn't something that you have to do."

I'm sorry, this confuses me. I don't understand it because I don't go shopping? Or I don't understand it because I don't go shopping with children in tow?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 11:56am

So you didn't feel resentful when you were outearning him and his spending level was equal to yours? Didn't you feel like he was spending YOUR money?

And you still haven't answered my question--if you only brought home 30% of your household income, would you only spend the 30% you made? Since you've said you outearned your DH for years and his spending level hasn't changed as he caught up, somehow I don't see that you would, which pretty much blows your OP out of the water.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 11:59am

<>

That's not entirely the case. My day is fairly structured. I don't do things whenever I feel like it, I do them when they work into our schedule. I may have more flexibility than you do, but I have to take DS and his schedule into account when I'm running errands.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 12:03pm

No I didn't mean it was silly for anyone to go shopping in the rain. I just stated how I feel. If I can avoid going to the grocery store with 2 children in the rain I will most certainly do that.

What I meant by my statement is that you don't have to understand why I do what I do. What I do might seem weird to some and normal to others. We all have our way of doing things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 12:12pm

My parents estate doesn't belong to my sister and me, it belongs to them. There is no sense of entitlement here.

However, my parents realize that DH is an excellent financial planner. Moreover, my sister is nortoriously irresponsible with money and doesn't live nearby. So it just made sense to appoint us co-executors of their estate. Who would you rather have? The professional who does that for a living or the one who can't balance her own checkbook, blows every cent she makes, and lives paycheck to paycheck? There really was no question there for my parents.

Perhaps b/c my mother SAH for many years herself, she and daddy don't do the whole "mine" thing in their marriage and don't expect me to, either. What was once mine is ours now and whatever comes in the future will also be ours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:20pm

why the eye roll? these words to hazeleyes makes it sound like her opinion about money and inheritance is archaic or something.....

>>The fact that your inheritance is in your name only, despite be married to your DH for some number of years, speaks volumes to me<<

..there are plenty of families who do not create co-exectorships for estates. i saw plenty of it in banking (the fewer the signatures,the less time it took to liquidate accounts,lol) and my own family which includes an upper league attorney didn't find it necessary. what works for your family doesn't make it universal for all nor does it speak volumes about how one may or may not manage money. in fact,creating a co-executor to an estate who *isn't* blood could cause a tug of friction and control that doesn't belong to him/her.

it's not about some mine mine mine game,it's about respecting each other's family and their inherited interest.




Edited 7/1/2006 1:40 pm ET by egd3blessed

 

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:12pm

I think everyone has downtime during the day. SAHP as well as WOHP."

I agree -- generally. I also think its ridiculous to debate something like who has more or less "downtime." Its part of the whole mommy martrydom syndrome again....like we are only "good" moms somehow if we are selfless. That's just crapola, IMO.

MM

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:14pm
BTW, every lunch "break" I had last week was a working lunch. Out with candidates or clients. I havent worked in an environment ever where I was off the clock for an hour at lunch.....

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