SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:22pm

I am not lazying around having fun all day, it is stressful, hard work. I work because I have to, not because I want to."

Why don't you find something you enjoy more?

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:26pm

I don't agree. Money isnt an issue in our marriage. Not at all. And it isnt in many others who I know. Its an issue in most who divorce, but not 99% of marriages.

Perhaps your view is a bit jaded by your own attitude toward money? I don't consider the things I brought into our marriage as "mine" -- everything material we own is ours.

MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:54pm

<>

Baloney. MY inherited interest is also DH's inherited interest b/c we don't separate our finances. Period.

As for respecting family, my family respects my DH (and our family unit) enough to consider him equal w/my sister and me. They realize that anything I inherit from them will be for my family's use, not just my use. Ditto my FIL's estate.

Telling DH "hands off" my parents' estate doesn't respect anyone. Not my parents, not my marriage, and certainly not my husband.

I don't know what your bank recommended, but everyone I know has more than one executor of their estate. More names may equal more paperwork, but it also prevents anything shady from occuring. Perhaps it is b/c we're not talking about mere "bank accounts" that would be immediately liquidated. The estates are considerably more complicated than that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 2:58pm

Do you think that perhaps when there is more money in a marriage (the family is comfortable financially vs. barely scraping by), that money is less likely to become an issue?

I realize there are exceptions to that (Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, for example), but it seems like as our SES has increased, money issues have decreased.

Maybe it's just us...but I'd be curious if anyone has ever studied that....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:09pm

That's easy to say in theory, but it's significantly more complicated than that IRL.

For example (and I'm using 100K again b/c it's easy math for me), if your annual income is 100K and you're contributing 30K of that--are you only going to live in the residence you could afford on your 30K salary? Or will you buy the house you can afford on your 100K famly income? What about electricity and water and phone and internet and cable and groceries? Are you going to pay exactly 50% of those bills despite your significantly smaller income?

DH has always handled our finances and we even had separate checking accounts when we first married (on the advice of our then-pastor during a pre-marital counseling session). I would write him a check for our living expenses (approx. 1/2 my paycheck) and the rest was mine to spend or save however I saw fit. When I went to p/t, I no longer contributed to the "household" expenses (house payment, insurance, electricity, water, etc) but would frequently buy groceries and cleaning supplies and whatnot out of "my" account. So I contributed, but not nearly as much as he did. OTOH, he was making 6 or 7 times what I was at that point. When I started SAH w/DS, that's when we went to 1 account and quite honestly, we both wish we'd done that from the get-go b/c it is so much easier.

I think it's easy to say you'd only live on "your" money, but I think that would hard to do IRL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:38pm
Is your dh paid for his lunch hour?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:48pm

No. It simply raises other questions, issues and concerns. The questions are not "Should we pay the gas bill or the electric bill this week", but rather, "I have to exercise my options this year or they will be forfeited. How do you want to invest the capital gains?"

Either question can provoke "spirited discussion", i.e. an argument.

Having money NEVER solves problems. It only creates different problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:49pm
No. People are by law required to take a lunch hour (actually 50 minutes) if they work more than 5 hours in a day, but they are not paid for that time. So a 40 hour week is actually more like a 45 hour week. In dh's case, he has no right to overtime and must work as much as the job requires. Otoh, he also has complete flexibility and can choose to start work at 2am or 12pm or choose to work from home sometimes...as long as he attends the meetings necessary for his work, can get the job done and has more or less averaged 40 hours/week in the long-run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:53pm

That still doesn't explain how the sahm helps him *earn* the money on his paycheck.

"He doesn't have to miss work when the children are sick."

If he was on a salary, taking a day off for a sick child would not affect his earnings.

"When the SAHP is managing the household life is much easier for the working parent."

True. But the sahp is not helping the wohp earn the money, they are helping manage the household to make life easier for both people and there's nothing wrong with that.

"If I WOH he would be unable to work at the fair."

Um... why?




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:58pm
No, my kids get up between 5am and 5:30 everyday so I would have to get up before then!!

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