SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:45pm

And so did I, my dd was in Kindergarten half day when I was on maternity leave. Because she went to a sitter before and after my maternity leave, she had to take the bus from her house, across town. I drove her there and back home or did errands. Then I would go back and pick her up. In the afternoon, if my ds was not napping at home, we would go out too. I never limited my time to go out with my kids when they were infants unless they were napping in their own bed. Most of the time my ds was small, he slept in the car. I think he barely napped in this crib-lol!

I understand that SAHM's don't always just stay home but with the less children and younger the ages, there is more flexible time to do things for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:49pm

But not everyone gets personal days or even vacation days. DH doesn't. He can take off as much time as he wants, but he's not going to be paid for it. And given his earning capacity, it just makes sense for me to SAH and deal that kind of stuff while he works and brings home our income.

Working in the field I would work in would require going back to school and finishing my Masters and getting certified to teach, all for less than 30K a year to start. After you deduct the cost of schooling and daycare, plus missed work for DH while he covers for me while I'm back in school and then working, it makes more financial sense for me to SAH, particularly since I enjoy it.

Sometimes SAH is the better financial choice, particularly since my DH's earning capacity is much greater than my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:52pm

So your "household" expenses/monies are shared, but your "spending" money isn't?

If I may ask, what exactly do you spend your spending money on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:55pm

I have far more free time now as the mother of a preschooler than I did as the mother of an infant or toddler. DS may nap less (he's always been a good sleeper), but he's in preschool six hours a week and able to entertain himself while I cook dinner or vacuum the house. Or even color or play w/play doh while I read a book. As his independence grows, so does my free time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:52pm
It's not like my sister and I cleaned the entire house. But it wasn't too much to ask for us to set the table, do the dishes, and fold some laundry. I mean we were teenagers, we were living there too, so we contributed to the household. I know some parents don't require their children to raise a finger to help clean, drive them around like a taxi service and don't require them to babysit younger siblings but I really don't think it's too much to ask once in a while.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:56pm
I said taking a day off for a sick child. One day. I'm sure most wohps can take one day. Parents I know will use their personal days, sick days, or vacation days for things like that. But, every employment situation is different.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 5:59pm

"But not everyone gets personal days or even vacation days."

I was talking about salaried employees. Most salaried employees get personal days and vacations days. Isn't it illegal for a salaried employee not to have vacation days?

"Working in the field I would work in would require going back to school and finishing my Masters and getting certified to teach, all for less than 30K a year to start."

What level would you be teaching?




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 6:16pm

I would want him to have it and legally the account is in my name-the man is irresponsible with money and when he had an account bounced an average of 10 checks a month=to $300 a month in bank fees and now he is listed in CheckSystems and can not have a bank account until those things are paid and they would be, but we don't have the money to pay them off-I had to go on WIC and get Medicaid secondary because of a $500.00 ded. my primary insurance has when I had my baby in April and now that we are about to get foreclosed on (due to a loss of his overtime) and haven't paid our homeowners dues in 4 months since I have the checking acct we have agreed that paying those things will have to wait until after we move in with my parents

sometimes things are not as they appear to someone looking in from the outside

BTW he has the ATM card and is not forbidden from using it when he needs some cash

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 6:30pm
I think you are not quite getting it. Some children can end being sick a lot more than just one day, and vacation days, personal days, sick days etc. may not cover the whole time. We had one year when each child was at home sick for about 30 days (seperately, that meant a total of 60 days that one or the other was at home sick with a parent). The standard 24 PTO days would not have covered the time. People WILL lose some of their salary when they have to stay home extra days beyond their allowed leave time. Did you honestly think that a salaried employee would be able to take any number of days off after all of the PTO has been used up without consequences to their salary? Is this possible in the Canadian system? Also, whether I or dh take 1 day or 60 days for a sick child, we immediately lose 20% of our salary for that day or for each day we have stayed at home. I'm not sure how much more clear I can be than that. Sick days for children means we lose part of our salary. Being at home sick ourselves actually costs as well: we don't get paid at all for the first day we are sick and lose 20% of our salary for each day after that we are at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:05pm

I was wondering the exact same thing....why would missing the fair be an issue? I've never had another parent to pick up my child and that's worked out fine. I guess I'm having trouble seeing how rearranging a schedule (even if that was necessary) for a week would be enough of a problem to prevent him from working the fair.

Just curious, of course. I know that this is what works for them and that's the only thing that's important.


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