SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:57pm
Should the standard be an inefficient SAHM or an efficient WOHM?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 7:58pm
But not all WOHDs require SAHMs to "participate" in earning their income.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:12pm
You lost me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:14pm
Again I am speaking for myself here. I don't use generalizations in debate. Everyone's situation is different. As for a lawyer...I don't know the answer for that. I am not married to one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:52pm

>>If someone thought so little of what I did, I'd probably try to make it sound more important, too. Just sayin'.<<

i'm not sure how to make my point clearer...its not that i think so little of what he does per se. its that i don't want to hear about what a hard day he's had, and how he needs to "rest" when i've had an equally or harder day.

particularly when he acts like a little kid, who's pretended to be sick to get out of school. but when his friends call, oh, he feels much better....he pulls that all the time. he's not tired, he hadn't had a bad day, he just doesn't want to do anything at all unless its something HE wants to do.

>>Sounds like you're mad at him for something he hasn't even done yet.<<

he called me from work today to ask me if i could spruce up his resume and get him back on monster jobs. he's already looking for a new job, and its only been four months.

i used to be his boss about 8 or so years ago. i know how he works.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:58pm

>>Most likely because they are working in a profession that give better raises. That is why their wives can stay at home.<<

not neccesarily, according to the study. let me see if i can drag it up, its on another debate board from a while back. i'll post in another folder though, maybe in the off topics section so it won't get lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 9:02pm

excuse me for jumping into something i really don't agree with but everyone's situation is indeed different. you will not find me a sahm who believes that my CHOICE to sah is tied to dh's success (even though i do reap some of his deserving rewards,lol). it's a sacrifice,not martyr but as a matter of fact.....i won't pretend to sugarcoat hours that really suck sometimes but if i DIDN'T LIKE sah,i would return to work to some capacity. i'm not ready to take on a dual role of not only woh but also maintaining a commitment to my children though.

my sister does what sabina does and her dh is in a senior role for a company that requires lots more hours than hers. she doesn't ask for more flexibility because she works. their relationship isn't measured that way......i guess i just don't understand this idea that i sah so that my dh can be a success at work. if you really had the drive,ambition or interest to woh,is that what would really hold you back?




Edited 7/1/2006 9:21 pm ET by egd3blessed

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 10:12pm

Not at all. Vacation time isn't required by law, it's a benefit just like health insurance.

Early childhood SPED.

Most children require more than one "sick" day when sick. Daycare doesn't allow children back unless they're fever/rash/whatever-free for over 24 hrs. When my DS gets sick, that easily three or four days in a row of that one of us would have to take off if I WOH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 10:18pm

Depends on the pregnancy. While I had a relatively easy pregnancy w/DS, I did have 16 weeks of pretty wicked morning sickness. Of course, I was just so grateful to be (viably) pregnant that I was saying "thank you" to God in between retches over the toilet...but I'm not normal like that.;)

Still, most moms I know have acted as designated driver for hubby at some point during the pregnancy. And mom is the one watching what she eats, dealing w/the backaches, weight gain, stretch marks, hemorrhoids, etc. Throw in a little bed rest there and while it's not work in the traditional sense, it's more than daddy is doing those nine months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 10:24pm

I don't need to work, it's enough for me to be DH's supporting player. But my time at home definitely allows him to be a greater success at work by the mere fact that he can devote himself entirely to work while I keep the home fires burning.

Most highly successful people (I'll use Oprah for you since I know how much you love her) have a support system. Do you think Oprah worries about whether or not she needs toothpaste or deodorant or what she's having for dinner that night? Heck, no! She's got someone else doing that so she can focus on her career. In our household, that kind of stuff is my job to worry about so DH can worry about bringing home our income.

I share my DH's success b/c I know he wouldn't be where he is today w/me.

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