SAHM's and Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
SAHM's and Money
1310
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:57pm
I am a WOHM but have always felt like this, even as a kid. I know it is probably wrong, but it is a strong feeling I have had.
When SAHM's say "I bought this or "I saved MY money for this", I always want to say "YOUR" money? Now, don't get me wrong, my mom was a SAHM and a great one at that but she would get spending money every week, just like I do, while working, but I can't feel technically that it was "HER" money.
Staying home is a hard job, being home today I can say that it is much harder to have a stressful out of the house job AND have kids but it is more physically demanding then my job.
I just feel that any money in the household has been made by the dh and is really "HIS" all the time. He just gives it to his wife to spend. I know this is horrible but I was wondering if anyone else felt this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:35am
Trying to get back and forth to the store without everyone and the groceries getting soaked made it more of a hassle to me. Buckling kids in car seats in the rain made it more of a hassle. Having to be more alert of the drivers made it more of a hassle. Having to deal with any rain gear that we brought with us made it more of a hassle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:35am

The original exchange went as follows:

Copwife: "He doesn't have to miss work when the children are sick."

You: "If he was on a salary, taking a day off for a sick child would not affect his earnings."

You made a clear assumption that anyone on salary would be able to take a day off without an effect his/her earnings. One day may or may not have an effect, but if that one day happens to come after all vacation and PTO has been used up, then the day off WILL have an effect, period. You cannot assume that because someone is on salary taking a day off will not have an effect on his/her earnings.

It also seems to me that you are splitting hairs at this point, because the reality with dual WOHPs is that they will mostly likely have to take considerably more than just one day to deal with sick kids. And if they have a bad luck year, they will most likely lose money on a salary that wouldn't have been lost had one been a SAHP and able to cover all of the sick days.

"I mean, the company even pays someone to help renovate the sales manager's house!"

Out of curiosity, why would a company do this? I've never heard of that and something like that would cause major tax headaches in the U.S. as well as most of Europe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:39am

LOL...I've done it and I don't even *have* 2 kids!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:42am

"Out of curiosity, why would a company do this?"

I have no idea. The guy they pay to do the yard work also does the yard work at the sales manager's house, the boss (owner's) house, and somtimes the customer service manager's house. In fact he's been at the sales manager's house for about a month helping with some landscaping. I don't understand it. It's not a tax headache. He receives a paycheck from the company. It's a small family-owned company. My boss and his wife started the company about 10 years ago, the boss' brother also works there. I have no idea why they pay the yard guy to do work at thier houses.




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:55am
Maybe it has something to do with what one is used to. It rains and snows so often where I live that we are pretty much in the routine of dealing with rain without extra fuss. If it's a reasonably warm rain the kids can take their coats or not as they please and I don't really mind the groceries (or me for that matter) getting a bit wet. Also, parking lots for grocery stores aren't that far away so nothing ever really got soaking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:58am
I don't know how that would work in Canada, but I would think that this would be quite questionable in the U.S. unless the home was clearly and specifically part of the business. But then, I'm not a tax person, PKA would probably know more about that aspect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:04am
I think it is in part what someone is used to but also has to do with whether it is an option or not. If not taking the kids is not an option then it doesn't matter how much of a hassle taking them is. You do what you have to do. But when people do have options they generally take the one which to them feels like the easier option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:09am
Well, I personally prefer to go grocery shopping without the kids as well and usually that's what either dh or I do :-). I will sometimes take them with me for other kinds of shopping. I guess I had a hard time understanding the difference in hassle-level between rain versus no rain. The hassle for me is about the same whether it is raining or not. I had the impression that the op saw a huge difference between shopping with kids while it is raining and shopping with kids in good weather.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:16am

"I had the impression that the op saw a huge difference between shopping with kids while it is raining and shopping with kids in good weather."

For her there could be a huge diffeernce.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:31am

Dawn,

I don't know about the other poster, but for me, it is just plain miserable to take kids shopping in the rain, if you don't have to. Especially when my 2 older boys were very small. (they are 17 mos apart) I would have to deal with strapping them in car seats, all the while getting soaked and the bags getting soaked, because of course, you put your kids in first. And you have to strap them in, because 2 wiggly toddlers/small children can get out of a vehicle when you are not looking. Lugging rain-soaked bags is also yucky. Then you bring all of that water into the house, making another mess to clean up. So, unless it is absolutely necessary at that time, I do not go shopping in bad weather. And really, I just HATE being wet and gross.

One of my sons has Autism. He does not like being rained on. It is one of his sensory issues. I have to deal with that.

It is not always just an issue of sticking a raincoat on.

I did not have kids for the first 6 yrs of my marriage, and thought I knew a lot more than I actually did. Now, I am NOT saying "Well, you don't have kids so you don't know anything." I believe anyone can know about children, whether they are a parent or not. But, there are SOME things that you learn once you become a parent. Things are not as easy as you would think they should be or as they seem.




Edited 7/2/2006 11:37 am ET by mom2danjam

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