SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:43pm
Get back to me when you can say "ALL" instead of most. I might change my user name to "livinonthefringe."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:44pm
True and sad. I find it so sad that he'd rather not see his kids than have to take care of them while his wife works to make up the shortfall.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:44pm
Since when is having a sick kid screwing your company? I thought that's what sick time is for.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:46pm

What do you mean it's my prerogative?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:47pm

So you had a great experence from daycare.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:48pm
I hope, at least, it wasn't a job that cut into daddy time. There are all sorts of reasons to SAH. All quite personal. Personally, I find it sad that some men would rather devote time to career building than their families when they have kids. However, you have a point. If you SAH for him, then he does owe you. Most of the time, it's the mom who wants to SAH not her SAH so her dh can have what he wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:49pm
Lovely. So he'd rather work than take care of his kids. I got it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:50pm
You manage quite well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:51pm
So how does a WOHM having time to shop on the internet translate into free time to get housework done?

I'm not understanding your point in that statement . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:53pm

Wow it never seses to amaze me how you can change what people write to fit what ever agenda you have.

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