SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:57pm
Why doesn't he want to be the only parent home a few evenings a week?

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:58pm
Sand/Water table, dinosaurs, toy cars and dump trucks and his very own garden in the back corner!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:58pm

I guess you probably think you do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:01pm
Come on, everyone has a right to whine about housework. I whined about it when my mom made me do it as a child. I whined about it when I was in college. I whined about it as a single gal with her own apartment. I whined about it when I was a wohm. And I whine about it as a sahm. Whining about housework has nothing to do with my work status and everything to do with my own personality. It's something I do - because it has to get done - but it's not something I like to do very much.

Janet

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:02pm

It wasnt being a few nights a week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:03pm
No, I didn't have to SAH so that dh could travel for months, work 80 hours a week or otherwise have less than a very good amount of time every day with the kids. I had to SAH when he got a job in Switzerland right after ds's birth because I could not legally work in Switzerland (I did take the chance to finish my Master's thesis during this time since this didn't count as employment). As I wrote in another post, he worked about 9-6, usually ate lunch at home with me and ds, had a 5-10 minute commute and never traveled. I had to SAH again after dd's birth because we had moved to Sweden when I was pregnant (new job for dh, similar conditions to the one above) where it is not possible to put a child in dc under the age of 1 (legally not allowed, and a private nanny would not have been affordable for us). In fact, the choice to move to Switzerland guaranteed MORE time for dh with the kids since the other job offer he considered would have meant longer hours, less pay, only 2 weeks vacation (as opposed to the 6 weeks he got in Switzerland and the 7 weeks he currently gets). He gets more generous family and sick leave in Sweden than he would have in the US. It was a move that guaranteed ALL of us plenty of time with the kids and was well worth the cost of me SAH for the years that I did.

Laura

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:05pm
I don't know about that. I can't speak for merella but I know that there are frequently things that require me to be out of the house that are not my perogative. They need to be done. SAHMs sometimes leave their homes to do things that are necessary, not just to have lunch or go to the park.

We went away for Memorial Day. We were gone 4 days. There was no food in the house so I went grocery shopping. Not really my perogative as the kids would complain mightily if there were no food for their meals.

I also had ds conference this morning at the preschool. I really wanted to be there instead of at home. This is not really an optional excursion.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the ped Endocrinologist to discuss the results of ds blood tests. I couldn't get the doctor to come here so I guess I will have to go there. Again, not a pleasure trip and NOT my perogative. We waited months to get an appointment with this doctor.

I don't really consider these things optional. They need to be done, although they are not technically housework. And some adult in the family needs to do them. It makes no sense for dh to do them so I do them. But it is not necessarily my perogative whether I am home or not.

I am very busy and keep a written calendar. I know I am not the only one.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:09pm
that's a disgusting insinuation. and nowhere near reality. the truth is that I can be out sick and not "screw" anybody. and when i get back we pick up right where i left off.

eileen

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Registered: 03-27-2000
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:10pm

Would you believe we don't have a single cicada????!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:10pm
I understand the statement. I think she means that not every WOHP has their nose to the grindstone every minute they're at work. And I think some posters have inferred that the SAHM's should be doing all of the housework b/c the WOHP is working so hard all day long to make $$ for the family, and therefore should not be subjected to any more "work" at home.

Am I getting it right?

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