SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:34pm
Never said it didn't but so far, I've done all ages and know that it doesn't prevent one from doing housework unless you have extenuating circumstances like my dd who broke her right arm and is in a lot of pain right now. She is definitely cutting into my ability to get the housework done but since I'm only working half days to care for her I can still manage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:35pm
All I can do is take what you say and you say he'd rather work a second job than spend time caring for his kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:36pm
If you call dad taking care of them too scrambling, I'll take scrambling. Dads count too. And I'm not wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:39pm
Yes and if you would have read the rest of the post you would have seen that by his working 3 days a week vrs my 5-7
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:39pm
LOL so it's caring for his kids he doesn't like. I get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:42pm
Guess I'm screwing the company right now. Dd's on too heavy a dose of pain killers to go to dc. This is what personal time is for. I'm not screwing anyone any more than anyone who takes off for family emergencies. I guess my coworker who took off last week for his fathers funeral was screwing the comany too. It's really sad that people think that way. I'm sure glad my boss isn't one of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:43pm

I give up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:44pm
When your company values you, you'd be surprised. I find it sad that you think I'm screwing the company becuase I'm home with a dd with a broken arm right now. Fortunately, neither my boss or my company thinks that way. They value me as an employee and actually understand that these things do happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:46pm
Did you miss the fact that I've stated I do the majority of the house work because I want to do it, not out of expectation from dh, from expectation of myself only? Guess that flew right by your head didn't it?

Dh says what you have stated here is not what he considers anywhere near "fair" at all!

You have been greatly mistaken, but then, that is pretty normal for you because you seem to think you are always right about everything even when it concerns other's lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:46pm
But that doesn't mean they're screwing the company to take off. I'm doing half days right now because dd just got out of the hospital. I'm not requesting pay for the half I'm out but I'll bet you $20 right now my boss changes to code to time off with pay when I submit my time statement. He did it when dh had his heart attack.

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