SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:48pm
Bravo, bravo. Great post & TRUE!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:50pm
Same here. My coworkers and I cover each other all the time. With 30 people in the department, there's someone out for something pretty much all the time. Right now it's me with dd on the mend. Companies usually have staff to handle such things because they know they happen. In your case, they have subs. In mine, my alternate engineer will take over when I'm not there just like I'll take over when he's on vacation and did last week when he was off for a funeral. Companies know darned well life happens and it happens regardless of whether or not their employees spouse SAH. I have yet to have anyone expect someone not to be there for a sick child because their wife SAH and they're not needed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:50pm
Well duh. One person's extenuating circumstances are another person's life. That is why you can't say everyone could or should do the same thing (ie, get all of the housework accomplished).

My sister's little guy has a spina bifida. She lives 30 minutes from the nearest town (her and her dh have a dairy farm). Those two things - including but certainly in no way limited to driving him to his special needs preschool 5 times per week, his specialized doctor's appointments, his need to be catheterized every 4 hours, his need to be supervised constantly since he does not walk very well - keep her on the go the equivalent of a full time job.

My sister and I are both SAHMs, yet our lives are completely and totally different. How do you compare the two?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:52pm
Actually, mine as a child were mediocre at best but they did no harm so I wasn't afraid to try. I'm very glad my dd's and I have had our dcp in our lives. We would have really missed something special if they'd had just mom.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:52pm
Yep. I also wouldn't use DC of any kind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:53pm
"The research analyzes the amount of time parents in two-parent, two-children families spend raising children, spaced three years apart, to age 18."

Well, that study sure sums up EVERY parents experience. Except mine, except your husbands's, except for about 80% of the parents I personally know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:55pm
Good. You had me worried there for a moment. I really hate it when I see men take jobs that take them away from their families. Besides, experiencing other countries is not a bad thing for kids. Yes, I'd say your dh owes you. When one spouse does something for the other one they usually do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:56pm
LOL, yeah I have to admit I whine while I do it but I don't expect someone else to do it for me unless I pay them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:56pm
Big News Bulletin: That isn't what she was saying, you twisted it quite nicely to fit your own quirky agenda.

It is difficult for families to work opposite shifts and always being able to get out of your work place & home in time for the other spouse to leave to be at work on time is hard as well.

That is just life. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be the only parent home in the evenings. It is about not seeing your spouse, having to put your job on the line many afternoons because you must leave to be home to take over so the other spouse can go to work.

Easy concept to understand if you don't twist it like you did.

Or is this another one of those things you don't claim as "fair" in your little book on life according to grimlin lol

Go sub, we knew what you meant!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:57pm
Great. Bully for you and your boss. That means it is the same for the entire world?

My dentist is self employed - she works in an office with just herself and her assistant. Taking time off means leaving her patients unattended, potentially losing business, paying her assistant even though she is not working - I'd say all of those things fall into the category of "screwing the company" in one way or another.

Pages