SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:57pm
I'd rather have my dh doing doctors and dentist appointments and school activities and shopping for school clothes. Those are the things the kids will remember.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:00pm
LOL so 80% of the parents you know are not average. Not likely, lol, not likely. MOST of us are quite close to average. That's why it's average.

BTW, I actually agree with the previous study that had parents doing about an hour a day. I think they were really stretching to come up with over 7 hours a day of parenting. Obviously, they did not count simple supervision or they SAHP and WOHP households would differ by more like 3 or 4 hours during the preschool years. I'd like to know what they did count as parenting. The original study, that resulted in people getting up in arms, counted only actual interaction. Talking to kids, changing diapers, playing games, etc. Since we tend to interact in bits and bytes (the average married couple talks only something like 10 minutes a day when you add up all their 20 second conversations), I believe it. I think they had to stretch the definition of parenting but am puzzled how they did that without skewing things in favor of the SAHP. Two things I know they didn't count are simple supervision time and wage earning.


Edited 6/2/2004 6:04 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:01pm
So only women should be real estate agents? ha!

Should real estate agents expect all their clients to be in town weekdays? All clients to be able to take off work as much as they must to look at 10-15 houses between the hours of 9a-5p Mon-Fri only to avoid working evenings & weekends? To hold open houses times other than Sat & Sun afternoons? That all showings be OK'd with the sellers of the homes to only be M-F 9 to 5?

FTR, while we travel abroad often but I can understand not picking up the entire family to move to a far away place. My dh would see that as unfair (as he just sat here and commented to me directly when I asked him his opinion) and I would not do it if the shoe was on the other foot.





iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:01pm
I'm just gonna agree with you here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:01pm
I could have written that post....

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:02pm
YOu are kidding right? The things your kids will remember about their dad are doctor and dentist appointments?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:05pm
Geesh I hope not for dd. I would rather her remember them sitting in the backyard in the playhouse serving tea to her teddy bears & dolls like they did for 3 hours this afternoon or the 2 hours this morning down at the park. Not the fact he walked over to the peds office & was there with her for the checkup she didn't want to go for in the first place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:06pm
No duh. Never said it wasn't. We're talking general debate here not special needs kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:07pm
Yes but he is spending much less time with his kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:07pm
My DH has spent 6 hours just today with his dd. This is not unusual, this is normal for either one of us, both of us!

We are not talking about watching her play as in "supervision". We are talking "interacting with her for the entire time".

Pages