SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:09pm
No, I got what she said. Her dh would rather not be around than parent solo. Given a choice between an absentee father and working opposite shifts so both parents have time with the kids, opposite shifts are better. Kids have two parents and they should see them both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:09pm
Edited because a future post cleared up a misunderstanding.


Edited 6/2/2004 6:11 pm ET ET by texigan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:10pm
No but it's still not screwing the company to take off. If I take off and use my paid leave time or unpaid leave, how am I screwing the company? They're either paying me a benefit I earned or not paying me for work I didn't do. Either way, I'm not screwing them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:10pm
That is not what she said. That is how you decided to read it because of how you are about life in general, yours and others lol You read it that way, she didn't say it that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:13pm
So by your definition, everyone who WOH and doesn't come to work for one reason or another (sickness, car trouble, vacation, etc) is "screwing the company". So the only way to not "screw your company" is to either a)never take any time off, or b)not work at all. Do I have it right?

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:13pm

Yes but he is spending a Heck of allot more time when them then he was able to the 3 years prior to us moving to Maryland


We are used to not having him spend alot of time with the kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:19pm
LOL, everyone thinks THEY are the exception to the rule. Whatever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:20pm
LOL he is choosing to not be around rather than solo parent while she works. I take that as would rather not be there than solo with the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:21pm

I totally get grimalskin's take, but a military life is kind of different off the bat. It doesn't really compare to dads who can pick and choose their employment.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:22pm
What are you talking about? What does real estate have to do with this? Um, yeah I took off work to buy my house. So???

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