SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:24pm
I think that having her dad there at the hospital with her when she broke her collarbone was a very good memory for DD1, also that he was there when she got out of operating room after getting her wisdom teeth extracted (even though she was a grown up 18)

Good memories do not only come out of good times.


Edited 6/2/2004 6:28 pm ET ET by texigan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:25pm
No, I get what you're saying. Your dh would rather work two jobs than solo with his kids. I find it sad that he's not around for them much. I grew up with a father working two jobs. It's not good for kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:26pm

And you think this is unusual??? ;)


You should see my place after DH has been babysitting for hours ALONE.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:28pm

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Do you also find it "sad" that some women would rather devote time to career buiding than their families when they have kids?

Hugs,

Bridget & Ethan (5)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:34pm

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In essence, doesn't every job take every WOHP away from their families?

Hugs,

Bridget & Ethan (5)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:39pm

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You seem to be missing her point about FAMILY time.

Hugs,

Bridget & Ethan (5)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:45pm

Im sorry you find it sad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:52pm
I was talking general check ups. Not sick visits, not surgeries, broken bones, etc. Of course those are the times dh drops everything and is there, always.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:53pm
Didn't say we were the exception. Just stating facts. Can't handle it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:54pm
Keep those fingers stuck in your ears & going nah-nah-nah-nah. Still doesn't make you right LOL

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