SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:55pm
You stated: I really hate it when I see men take jobs that take them away from their families.

I replied then you must think men shouldn't be real estate agents since they have to work evenings/weekends and be away from family time.

Was that too big for you to grasp?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:56pm
Me thinks she is purposely missing the point. It is too obvious not to see it from sub's posts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 6:57pm
Wonderful post! He sounds like a super dh & dad!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:05pm

Ofcorse she is perposly missing it.

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:05pm
I just know there's no way I spend only 45 minutes longer interacting with my kids on the days I'm home compared to the days I work. I do both every week, remember?
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:07pm
And if they're going to extend the study to 18 years, of course the average time spent interacting with them diminishes as they get older. I'm talking about NOW, when my kids are little and pre-school age.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:07pm
Don't you get it? Men should be home being fathers. Mothers who sah should be doing 150% of the housework, not complaining one bit about any of the house and yard chores because they are only spending 1 hour quality time a day according to her little research with their kids so they have more time than they know what to do with any way. And a husband & wife who together decide there will be no house & yard expectations is not living 'fair'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:12pm
Why?
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:14pm
You are ABSOLUTELY wrong about my situation. Dads don't need to miss work to take a kid to the doctor to be involved. Period. You seem to believe that's true. It's just not. Especially when dad (like my DH) gets home anywhere between 2 and 5pm every weekday but Wednesdays.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:16pm
Different companies have different dynamics. DH happens to be the only sales person for his company. His calling in one morning to take the day off to stay home with a sick kid means cancelling his appointments for that day....which could mean losing the business.

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