SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:55pm
I think dads need to take kids to doctors too and drive on field trips too. Kids remember those things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 7:57pm
SAH is not an obligation whether you FEEL it or not. People feel all sorts of things. As for what dh's want, moms are not required to do what their dh's want just because they want it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:07pm
Does that mean if my husband wanted me to work but I didn't that I wouldn't have to?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:20pm
Doctor's appointments and field trips have always been important to both DH and me regardless of each of our work statuses. Same goes for teacher conferences. It helps for both of us to hear what the doctor and teachers are saying. We pick up on different things when we talk about it later. Plus I think it is important for both parents to know the doctor in case of an emergency. Familiarity helps in those times.

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:25pm

Ok well let me tell you about dh's work schedual....


Monday though weds:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:27pm
Yes. Why should a DH decide anything. The decision should be mutual - or at least agree to disagree. It is *your* decision to sah or woh - just as it is his. The possible consequences would have to be considered in *your* decision making process.

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:37pm
Beautiful words to live by!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:40pm
I'm sure he gets plenty of quality dad time. I was only thinking that maybe when he was home, you may want to do something outside of the home, and if money is an issue, maybe working might serve two purposes, giving you some time away, while giving your dh time with your kids. I was a SAHM when my first was born. When I went back to work, I worked 2 nights a week and a weekend day. It gave me a chance to get back to my career, dh got to take care of my dd, and it gave us an extra income. Personally, if I was a SAHM, I would rather WOH PT (as long as it is feasible), rather than have my dh work two jobs. If I couldn't make the money my dh made or if there were medical reasons (e.g. pregnancy), then I probably wouldn't WOH either.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:42pm
Truly sad you actually believe that bullsh**. Did you ever just sit & talk to your dh for hours? We do it every day. Do you ever just sit & play with undivided attention with your child? We do it every day. Am I talking 10 or 15 min? No, I'm talking an hour here, a couple of hours there all in one 24 hour period that adds up to a great deal of time over the course of one 24hr period.

Your boringly comment fits from these postings lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:45pm
According to what YOU consider average, we are not average at all. Maybe you are average from the way you talk but we don't live anything close to what you jabber on and on about endlessly as knowing what is factual for every human on the planet.

I don't exaggerate, I just state facts. Maybe it bothers you someone is actually being a wife to their husband and parenting their dd.

GO ahead believe as you wish, live as you wish but that doesn't make any of the total ridiculous crap and nonsense you post about thinking you know more about the entire world than the person themself to have any fact to it.

Pages